Peace & Quiet

It is few and far between these days that my munchkin goes to sleep before me, especially during the week but tonight was the night! So even though I'm up much later than I hoped for I have to enjoy it for all it is worth. So I'm sitting here...tired, but enjoying my peace & quiet. I hope you are too.

Where Is The Time Going Now?!?

Wow! I don't know if I've ever went so long without blogging. My bad. My apologies too! Hopefully it won't be so long between posts in the future...

The last two weeks have been crazy busy and last week and this week I've been sick. Again. I'm trying to do extra things with the munchkin while all of us get a new schedule established. It is definitely difficult thus far and we haven't really hit our stride yet, but each day gets better. Now if I could just work trips to the gym, healthy eating, and some extra hours into the day life would be grand!!

I have to confess that I really thought I would have all of this time on my hands once school and studying was done, but that hasn't been the case. Between work, home, cubscouts, munchkin's school activities/homework, karate, my man, and family I'm finding that I have less time now then when I was going to school. What's up with that?! How does everyone else seem to get it all done?

All Or Nothing vs. Being Normal Again

Yes, I am still floundering over here as you can probably tell. Part of the reason I may still be floundering may be the fact that I hate taking shortcuts. I feel like I'm short changing myself or something. I guess I'm sort of an all or nothing person. I know sometimes that sets me up for failure.

But in an effort to change I made a sudden decision tonight. I know there is no way I can get on top of:

1) all of my personal emails sitting in my in-box, currently 147;

2) all of the tweets I've marked as favorites to go back and read the attachments, it was 250 and now I'm down to 65; and

3) all of my mail and paperwork I'm currently carrying around with me.

So...I'm going to whittle down my emails & my favorites in an effort to get back on top of things. Maybe this will be one of the first steps on getting things back together and getting back to my normal self, because I certainly do not feel normal yet.

Definitely Not Pretty, But It Was To Be Expected

It was almost like I was psychic Monday morning when I got on the scale. I just knew that I was going to have gained and gained a lot during the month of February. For some reason I also knew how much that scale was going to say I was weighing in at and I was only off by .4lbs.

Monday's stats...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 330.4lbs

Results from the last 5 weeks: +11.6lbs

Total weight lost: -32.6lbs

It is what it is and now I have to work back to getting those numbers down again. I haven't done great so far this week, but I definitely am not consuming as many calories I did over the last month. Hopefully that will help me get back on track, because I still find myself struggling. For some reason even though I have more time I'm getting less done than I was when I was working and going to school. What's up with that?!?

Experiencing A Fog Delay

I know you have heard this before, because I know I've said it many times here. I need to get my life together.

I went back to work this past week and it was brutal. The place is in turmoil, which is actually pretty normal. Everyone is angry and since I've been unexplainably irritable and pissy since the bar I really fit in. I received some unexpected news that it appears that work has apparently filled all of the recently vacant attorney spots and none have been reserved for me. It felt like I was caught in a horrible practical joke. I would recommend anyone coming off the stress we all just faced not to return to work the Monday following the bar to work a full week. Go back Wednesday for a short week. Trust me. You will thank me for this advice one day.

Sunday night I tweeted that I was going to attempt to quit smoking Monday. I have not succeeded in this goal, but I've certainly cut down loads, which is a huge thing for me. I may have been more successful if I was just dealing with my return to work this week, but that was not the case. Wednesday night I learned that a dear old friend of mine passed this week, which has been a huge emotional stressor in my life. In addition to this loss, Thursday my fears were confirmed that my work had screwed me by hiring 4 new attorneys without holding one back two months to wait for my bar results. We've actually had 5 attorneys either leave or are in the midst of leaving the end of March, so I had a glimmer of hope when originally it was known that they hired 3 new attorneys but Thursday we were informed they had hired 4 and that all positions were filled. Maybe they are holding one back and not letting anyone know, including me, but there is also a chance that they are not filling that last vacancy. Needless to say this has not helped my anger problem that I've had for over a week now and it has not helped my apparent post-bar blues. Nor has it helped me quit smoking this week...

Add to this rolling ball of crap I like to call my life the fact that mother nature arrived on time this month. Go figure. So not only am I having uncontrollable bouts of anger and depression add a basket full of emotions with a side of flowing tears and it has just been a ball over here.

This all leads to the fact that I have to get my life together. So regardless if I passed or failed the bar, I can't just keep going through each day in this continued fog state with an emotional laden basket full of anger, depression, and tears. In order to do this I need to take baby steps. My initial baby steps are: doing laundry, picking up the house, going grocery shopping for healthy choices, and taking the munchkin to the movies.