The 10th Month Of The Year~~Welcome?!

Hello October!! I cannot believe it is already the 10th month of this year. It is sort of mind blowing, if you ask me! The summer went by so fast and here we are starting the last quarter of 2011...

I have conflicted feelings welcoming October... It is my birthday month and I love that fact, but I hate the idea of being just days away from that half way point to my 40's. Since I'm eager to get to November 7th when my co-worker returns from her maternity leave so she can take her files back. Of course she came to the office Thursday to wish her retiring secretary well and I announced to our team that upon her return to the office I would be getting knocked up as pay back and to get a full 12 weeks off. LOL But the idea that time is going so fast makes me sad that October is already here.

Regardless, I can't change the calendar and I guess I'll welcome October the best way I can. Which reminds me...I need to go and change our calendars! Opps!!

Sick Of Feeling So Sick & Tired...

Last night I just couldn't keep my eyes open and I found myself in the bed at 9:00pm. Pathetic really...in the bed at 9pm on a Saturday night. I woke up a little before 6am and just couldn't bring myself to get up, so I slept another 2 hours. It was wonderful, I won't lie.

This afternoon the munchkin went skating and then we did a little more grocery shopping and came home. I finished laundry, but haven't put it away yet. That likely won't happen till tomorrow. I just don't seem to have much energy or desire to get things done lately. I'm not sure what the problem is...am I dehydrated?...have an infection?...just lazy?...stressed?

All I know is that I am not feeling 100%...and that needs to change!

$3.17/Gallon

That is how much I paid for gas tonight and I was beyond giddy! I just hope it sticks around for a while!

The munchkin had another soccer game this afternoon and he played great. They won!! His coach cracks me up, because he gets so riled up! He is just a kid himself...maybe 19...but has a lot of passion for the game, which is great for the boys.

After the game we headed up to Sam's Club and did a little shopping. I'm not sure what all we really purchased, but my bill was over $200. That always blows my mind! How can a cart, not full, reach $200, let alone go over that amount?! Well, we did buy 2 movies and a book too, but seriously?! How much does cereal, fruit by the foot, tons of mac 'n cheese, pizza rolls, soap, and frozen PB&J sandwiches really cost?! Oh well...it is what it is and we just keep paying the bills and moving forward. Some day I will figure out a way to save some money...

Hello?? Anybody Out There???

It has been quite some time since I've blogged, obviously. I've been so busy I feel like I barely have time to breathe, let alone do anything like draft a blog entry, write out bills, communicate with anyone, or do anything else I should be doing.

For the last 4 weeks I've been handling my own case load, which grows every single day, along with a co-worker's case load while she is off on maternity leave. The most suckiest thing about working someone else's files is not knowing anything about the damn case. And it isn't like I have the time to review her 107 files along with my 60+ files. Seriously people, what to expect of someone who has only been practicing 3 months?!? But I keep plugging along...what else can I do?!

Needless to say I've been exhausted over the last month or so and it probably doesn't help that I got knocked down with one heck of a sinus infection, which I believe I still have. This afternoon I made a deal with my boss just so I could leave early...I agreed to handle 2 of the new files assigned to our team if only I could leave right then. It seemed like a great deal at the time. Yes, I probably could have left then regardless, but this way I didn't have to hear shit about it! I considered it a win for me!

I won't say I plan to be blogging on a regular basis again, because that doesn't seem to work out for me, but if anybody is still out there reading this...please know I'm alive and think of blogging all the time...I just need more time to get to it.

We Are Orange Today!

And no, I'm not talking about resembling the cast of Jersey Shore with the exception of Vinnie, of course!

Today was the munchkin's karate test and he passed moving from being a gold belt to being an orange belt. I am so proud of him. It is such hard work and he keeps doing it, week after week. He continues to blossom in martial arts and excel!

Keep up the great work baby! I'm so proud of you! I love you soooo...much! Muah!!!

Never My Intention

It was never my intention to blog on August 1st and not to return until 13 days later, but I've been crazy busy and pretty exhausted. My apologies to the few readers I have left. Hope you will bear with me while I continue to work through this whole new phase in my life! It will get better. I promise!

For the last five years or so I've been blessed or should I say spoiled by being able to have someone come and clean our home. Well, those good times have came to an end. I can no longer afford it nor can I justify it. So tonight I embarked on this new adventure of cleaning my own house. I'm not finished and I move really slow. Probably since I hate it so much, I'm sure. Plus I end up taking a lot of breaks. Once I put the clean sheets on my bed and vacuum I will be done with our 2 bedrooms, the munchkin's playroom and our one and only hallway, leaving the 2 bathrooms, the living room and the kitchen. Of course the last room that I will tackle is my bathroom, because it just grosses me out to clean it. Blah!!

I'm sure this whole cleaning process would be easier in my life if I would have learned how to clean when I was younger. When I was growing up my mom did not work outside of the house the majority of the time, so she did all of our cleaning while we were at school and our dad was at work. So I never even had the opportunity to watch how she cleaned or to do it with her either. We also never had chores assigned to us either, so outside of cleaning my bedroom because I was anal even as a child I did not learn how to clean and manage a home until after I was married and in my 20's and after taking a five-year break I feel like I'm having to learn it all over again.

Since this is posting close to 2am Saturday night/Sunday morning, please don't think I've been trying cleaning all day and night. I didn't even start this process until after 10:00pm tonight and I've also watched some TV in between too! LOL I multi-task during cleaning, but probably not in the best way.

I Just Can't Welcome You, I'm Sorry, It Isn't Personal

August. I just cannot welcome the month of August. I don't know why... Maybe I'm still a kid at heart, knowing the school year is just around the corner, or it is because I'm no longer a kid and I feel like I'm cheated out of summer...but I just cannot welcome August.

Where did the summer go?! The last two months have went fast and furious. Maybe it was because I'm officially done with school, hopefully for the rest of my life! Or maybe it was because I graduated, fought to get my new job, and we were crazy busy over the last two months. I don't know. All I do know is that I feel like June and July flew by in the blink of an eye.

Even though this will likely be the hottest month of the summer, and we will be seeing "Back To School" sales every where we turn I am hopeful that this month takes a little longer to get through than the last two did.

So August, I may not be able to welcome you I sure hope you stick around a while...

It Is Almost That Time Again

Twice a year it comes around...February and July. Yes, people I'm talking about taking the Bar. It is a horrible time. There is no reason behind who will pass and who will not. There is no "you should have studied more" either, because that doesn't have shit to do with it. It is a gamble...some win and some lose. Regardless...this Tuesday, Wednesday, and for some even Thursday people all over the country will be sitting down to take the Bar. I wish you all luck!!! Kick ass and make that test your bitch!

And remember...in just a few days it will be all over and God willing you won't be doing this again come February, but if you are...so be it! You will make it through one way or another.

Good luck to all my law school, twitter, & blog peeps with the bar!!!

Where Does It All Go?

Money that is...

How is it possible that I get paid on Thursday and by Sunday after writing out bills due during this pay period I am broke?! And I don't mean like I only have a hundred dollars broke...I mean as in my account balance is in the negative already and that doesn't account for gas for the next two weeks or any of the appointments the munchkin and I have in the next two weeks.

Needless to say I don't pray for strength these two weeks, I'm praying for some cash!

We Will Call Him Bubba

While I was off studying for the bar at the beginning of the year my office hired a friend of mine from law school who graduated a semester before me and passed the bar last year. I was a little shocked because he did not seem the type of guy who would want to work where I worked. He is a nice guy, but never came off as a hard worker while we were in law school. When the two of us realized that he was going to be working there he was much more excited about the prospect of us working together.

Bubba started mid-March and started off on the wrong foot from day one. Of course for the first 3.5 months he worked there I was still a paralegal there, but now we are equals as attorneys and are even assigned to the same team.

Our office is always under the watchful eyes of our General Counsel and the powers that be in our company, but in the last 2 months we have been under the gun thanks to some bad press, so to speak. I've always been cautious about how I perform in my job, because I know how the politics work there and now that I'm an attorney there with the extra attention the office has received I'm even more aware of what I need to do and have became even more neurotic about my files.

As anyone knows, especially anyone who works in the legal field, defaults are huge and pretty damn scary. So the fact that Bubba has received about 5 in the last 4 months is just mind blowing to me! And the more things he misses or blows makes me even more on edge. So needless to say when I didn't go to lunch with him, other members of our team and others from the office yesterday because I had too much work to do sounded like a smart decision to me, because I had no desire to bring work home to do this weekend.

While I was talking to Bubba before he left for lunch I mentioned that if not for the munchkin I would probably be a workaholic. So needless to say I was shocked when Bubba told me I needed to not be so uptight about work and inquired if I had any hobbies!! Um, dude...maybe you need to get more uptight about work!

Maybe I shouldn't have been offended by his comment and question, but I was! Maybe I'm going about this whole being a new attorney thing wrong, but where we practice it is a small legal community and since I don't plan on being at my office forever I want a strong reputation out there.

And by the way Bubba, I do have a hobby, along with a kid, and a home to run.

Confessions...

Today I must confess a few things...

I confess today that I am not a camper. I've never had a desire to camp or even the small thought of 'Oh, maybe that would be fun. Let's try that.' Like as in NEVER! I don't enjoy being outside at night, sleeping, nor do I enjoy being cramped into a tiny space with no protection other than some flimsy material between me and the outside elements, which in my mind include weather, animals, and other people. But I do love my son, so last night we went camping...

As a part of the munchkin's cubscout pack, we went to our local farm team (baseball folks!) to do a sleepover. First we arrived there early enough so the kids could line up and partake in a little cubscout's parade on the field before the game. Then we were to settle into a whole baseball game. This is always fun with a child diagnosed with ADHD! Especially a 9 year old boy who is there with five other 9 year old boys. At one point I thought if I hear "Hey guys, he has 3 balls!!" one more time I was going to pop off with, "We all get it...he has 3 balls instead of 2, it was only funny the first 3 innings!"

After the game some of us moms trekked out to the cars to grab the camping gear. This was super fun for me since the shoulder strap on the bag that my parents' tent was in snapped within 10 feet from my car. Always extra special! Luckily the only dad who trekked out with us put my bag on top of their bag on wheels and hauled it in. Of course me and one other mom were at the end of our group coming back into the stadium and were stopped to be told that we couldn't re-enter until the fireworks display happened. It was irrelevant to them that our children were inside waiting for our return or the fact that the rest of our group had made it in. So instead we stood, out on the street, while the fireworks happened and the non sleep-over folks left before we could reenter.

Once we were allowed to reenter, we made our way back to the group and waited until they cleared the field so we could go in the outfield and set up our tents. And by setting up our tent that meant me waiting for someone to feel sorry for me and come over and do it. It is extra special when you pull something out of a bag and ask, "Is this the tent?" Tents were set up and we were advised there were going to be 700 campers out there in the outfield for the night. Oh boy! What fun!! 698 other people plus me and the munchkin.

The lights were finally shut off at close to 1am and I was exhausted. I couldn't wait to go to sleep! But there were a few things that I hadn't considered or taken into account...

1. It was frickin' hot as hell out there! It had been hot all day and at game time, 7pm, the temp was 88 degrees and muggy. Being down in a stadium cut off a lot of the breeze and after being in the heat and humidity for over 7 hours, it is a bit unbearable because you have sweat your ass off and are just disgusting and sticky!
2. The parents' tent was the size of my kitchen table, which seats only 4 people!
3. Tons of cubscouts and their leaders, parents, and siblings equals a lot of noise...ALL NIGHT LONG!
4. Our wake up call was coming in less than 6 hours!

This leads to confession #2...I am old!!

Sleeping on the ground with only the same flimsy material between your body and the ground provides no protection down there either. And the thought that a sleeping bag will provide some cushion is a cruel joke. Needless to say after a couple hours of light sleeping I started to fear that I may not be able to stand up when our wake up call happened, let alone walk, or lift anything! This realization came at 3am and I had 4 more hours to discover if I would need to phone 911 to get my fat-ass out of the tent and out of that stadium!

At 6:30am I couldn't wait to get this "camping trip" over with. Of course the munchkin didn't sleep well either so we opted to get up, walk up to the restroom, and then come back and start packing up our "camp", which of course required me waiting for someone to help take down the tiny tent too! Then we sent the kids and the other moms upstairs to breakfast while the dads and I took all of our stuff out to our cars. Yes, I play both roles...mom & dad! I hobbled back to the stadium wishing I could just stay out at the car and the munchkin would come out when he was done eating, because I was going to have to walk up 4 flights of stairs with my sore back, sweat drenched clothes, and exhausted butt dragging to go and eat cold scrambled eggs, cold frozen pancakes, cold frozen hashbrowns, sausage links and bacon.

After coming home, laying down for about 2 hours, and taking motrin and while I sit here considering taking some of my pain pills from 2 months ago when I royally screwed up my back I am here to confess...I hate camping! I am damn old and no longer ashamed to admit it!

Freedom Day Set For July 17th, So People Get A Grip!

As so many people know, tomorrow is Casey Anthony's day to leave jail and be free. Regardless of how you feel about what you think happened or didn't happen can we make one solemn promise? Let's not get stupid!!!

All of the idiots making death threats to her, her family, and defense team need to get a grip. If you think she did it, what makes you any better by threatening to kill her, her family, and her defense team??? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! If anything, it makes you worse. How does that sit with your God.

And after reading articles about my friend Legally Fabulous' professor being attacked twice while working this case has made me lose faith in people while this case makes my faith in the justice system even stronger...

Weigh-In Wednesday

Things haven't been perfect over here in the healthy living department, but I'm doing better and that is all I can ask of myself these days. So here are the results...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 327.6lbs

This week's results: -2.8lbs

Total weight lost: -35.4lbs

So it isn't a lot, especially for that first week back back on the band wagon, but I'll take it!

A Down Side Of Growing Up

Paying $125 to the exterminator for a new summer resident in the home...ants. Little tiny black bastards!! Isn't being a grown up fun?!

Guess It Really Is Time To Become A Real Grown Up!

Three weeks ago tomorrow I started my first job as an attorney. Yes, even three weeks later, I'm still lost, confused, and scared to death. There really is a difference between playing attorney with your law school work and really being the one fully responsible for a real person's suit.

Of course my job is not in the area I long to work in, criminal defense, but it is still the defense side and it is a job. As we all know these days that is a big deal! Some day I will make that transition to the criminal area, but for now I'm getting my feet wet in the civil arena.

I guess this means that it is finally time I grow up and become a real adult. I'm not sure I'm ready for this part. You would think being 34 and a mom to a wonderful, although sometimes challenging, 9 year old munchkin that I would have already accomplished this, but I haven't. It feels totally different! Maybe it is also because now that I don't have the excuse of classes and homework I'm having to step up at home again too.

Both the munchkin and I are working through our adjustment period as I take a stronger lead at home (can you say "iron fist baby" because my son thinks that is how I rule!) and I adjust to being a real attorney. Some days are better than others. But we survive them all...together. So as long as I don't make any huge mistakes with the kid or get a default or blow that all famous statue of limitations we will make it as I work on this whole being a real grown up thing!

Of course it all scares the shit out of me every day!

There Is Always A First Time

And today was the first time I've had my car cleaned on the inside since I bought her in 2009. Yes, she is over 2 years old and no one has been attentive enough to her to take a vacuum to her carpeting or anything. So today was the day.

After the munchkin accompanied me to the spa to get my facial and my unibrow/hairy lip & chin waxed off we went over to the car wash and for $10 they cleaned the inside and out! I ended up adding a couple of extra things to my car's own little spa day, so in total it cost me $16, but it was well worth it. I suspect that if I make a couple trips through there again over the next several weeks she may look as good as the day she came home to us.

So I guess there is always a first time for everything...even if it takes me a couple of years to get to it!

Jumping On The Band Wagon

I decided this week was as good as any to start back on my healthy kick/lifestyle or attempted healthy kick/lifestyle. So taking from my fellow bloggers (hopefully they don't mind) I'm now declaring Wednesdays "Weigh-In Wednesdays" so without further adieu...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 330.4lbs

Results from the last 6 weeks: 0lbs

Total weight lost: -32.6lbs

So let's see how this works out for me in the coming weeks! Of course the fact that I just received an advertisement with coupons for a taco pizza in the mail tonight doesn't help me out here...

NOT GUILTY!!!

Need I say more?! Jose Baez & his team came through for Casey Anthony. For all the shit talkers...guess he wasn't so bad after all, huh?!

Now it will be on to the hard stuff for Casey Anthony and her family. Hopefully she will be able to go on with her life and this allows little Caylee to finally rest in peace.

Happy Independence Day!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July and a beautiful holiday, long weekend! I know we did. I got tons accomplished this weekend, which is exactly what I needed to do this weekend. We also had a wonderful family cookout over at mom & dad's yesterday, which is always nice.

I thought I would finally make my return to the blog on this Independence Day. Sorry I've been away so long, but the last several weeks have been a very trying time for me after I injured my back. Now I feel like I've finally came out on the other side and am doing so much better. Did you know Flexeril can make you border-line homicidal? Well, trust me...it can and it isn't pretty! After I finally figured out that my muscle relaxer was making me a much bigger bitch than normal I had to get off it immediately and then spend the next couple of weeks digging out of the dark hole I found myself in. But now I'm better & I'm back...Happy Independence Day for sure!

Not Going As Planned, But I'm Taking It One Day At A Time

Since I haven't posted in over a week you can probably guess by now that my week did not go as planned last week. I actually made it through last Monday a little better than I thought I would... I didn't bum a smoke off from anyone, which is a huge surprise. I didn't stop and by any smokes or anything. I felt good about it all as I went to bed last Monday and prepared for the week ahead. Then Tuesday morning happened and life went to hell very quickly...

Last Tuesday morning I got up, got ready for work and in my final preparations of doing my hair I dropped a sheet of bobby pins, bent down to pick them up and then proceeded to brush my teeth. That is when I realized that I couldn't stand up straight. I had messed up my back, big time. Regardless I went to work. With the help of my aunt I got myself in the car with ice packs behind my back. Let me tell ya, going to work was not one of my brighter ideas.

Once I was at work I knew I was in trouble. I couldn't stand up, I couldn't walk. I couldn't move my legs without physically picking them up and moving them. I was in a bad way... Finally I left at 2pm and headed to the doctor who then sent me to the hospital for x-rays of my spine. By the time I got home after being twisted like a pretzel for my x-rays I wasn't sure if I could get out of the car and into the house. Going up my steps put me in more pain and by the time I was in the house I was sick to my stomach and in tears.

I spent the next several days in the bed, taking pain pills and muscle relaxers. I think by Saturday I was able to sit up for a few hours at a time and of course I had the family cookout planned for Sunday. Plus I needed to be ready to return to work today!

Sunday went off without a hitch. Or should I say not too big of a hitch...just a tornado warning at the end, which cleared everyone out of here in a jiffy! LOL Even though Monday was the actual holiday all I managed to accomplish was feeling sick as a dog and sore as could be. I still tried to take a moment to reflect and give thanks to those men and women who gave their lives for my freedom and I hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day!!

I returned to work today and requested...er...demanded that my doctor order PT for me, because I remain in pain. Hopefully the pain disappears very soon. One good thing about being in bed for almost a week...you remain smoke free, so tonight is night #8 of being smoke free. As for the rest...I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Major Steps...Say A Little Prayer For Me, Would Ya?

I know I've tried this before, but today I went smoke-less. I don't know how this will turn out, but so far I'm doing okay. I didn't really want to quit, but I feel like I should. So last night I took my last 10 smokes, broke them up, tossed them in the garbage and said, "enough!" So please keep me in your prayers and thoughts...primarily that I don't shank anyone during this time of transition!

In other areas of my life, I weighed in this morning and discovered that nothing has changed since the last time...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 330.4lbs

Results from the last 11 weeks: 0lbs

Total weight lost: -32.6lbs

So this is the next area of my life that I need to get on top of as well. With quitting smoking I'm not aiming to lose anything this week...I'm more just hoping to get through the week. I'll deal with the fall out afterwards as long as I'm successful with the quitting smoking thing!!

We All Deal With Stress Differently

It has definitely been one hell of a long week and it is almost over.

I did find out today that I'm not the only one feeling the stress at work, because after this morning's seminar and having lunch alone (Dani had to cancel due to work...boo-hiss!) I went to the office and within being there a half an hour I received an email from one of the other paralegals expressing that she was so stressed that she went downstairs to buy chocolate and almost busted out in tears in the elevator. Within minutes after getting that email the other paralegal barged into my office and started hitting her head up against a file, literally. Gosh and I thought I was stressed. I guess I can count my blessings because I'm not on the verge of tears or beating myself with a file, yet. Of course I could shank a few people so maybe I express my stress in a much different manner and would rather someone else feel my frustration rather than myself...

Just A Few Things To Toss Out There

Things are crazy at work right now for several reasons. But thanks to some of that craziness I had a very yummy lunch today and hopefully I will have an even better lunch tomorrow with Dani! Of course the location of where I was this afternoon and the same place I will be tomorrow, which yields me these yummy & fun lunches is a pain to get to and from. The expressway I would usually take is closed. So instead of my usual 45 minute commute on the expressway is much closer to an hour and a half on a side street...

The drive wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't raining, again. I've had it with this weather. It has rained so much that even on the days it doesn't rain there are puddles of water every where you go. The munchkin's soccer games and practice keeps getting canceled because the fields are too wet and too dangerous to be on. Why is it mother nature can't get it right? Spread the rain out to areas that need it instead of keeping it in the same place?!? Is it really that hard? Seriously?

Now with a killer headache, a crabby munchkin, and a bit of an upset stomach I'm calling it a night...

Another First In Being A Real Grown-Up.

Tonight was a first for me, attending a fundraiser honoring two Judges. It was nice, but relatively boring since the only people I knew there were the folks I attended with and one other person from school. I knew a few of the Judges that were in the crowd, but since I don't have much experience in that field I don't know them well enough to chit-chat. Even though it had the makings of being a boring evening I was still glad I went and I hope that in the future I get to attend more of these things. Of course it would have been nice to be able to say, "I'm an attorney at [x, y, z]." Maybe next time I will!

Thanks to Prof. Arrogance for giving us the tickets and to my LSBFF for being there so we could suffer together. But next time let's eat...I was starving by the time I got home and my left over sour cream noodle bake just didn't cut it!

Being Back Feels Good

I finally feel like I'm getting back on track.

Graduation is over. Bar is over. Swearing in is over.

Now it is time to get things back on track.

I've gotten caught up on my blog reading and emails and reading all of the things I had marked as favorites on twitter too! I have all of my filing caught up too.

Now I have two things that I need to get caught up on...writing out talking points for my guy's next hearing in less than a month and writing my guy a real letter, which I haven't done in months!! These are the little things I have to still do.

But being back feels good...

Happy Mother's Day!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day today!! I know I sure did! It was beautiful out. We went to mass and then out to lunch. Then I came home, got lots of stuff done while my munchkin did his homework. Then he gave me the gift he made me...a coupon booklet full of hugs! Best present ever!!!

Now we wish you and yours a Happy Mother's Day!!

It Was An Honor, Thank You For Including Me

Today I had the pleasure of being a spectator and photographer for my LSBFF's swearing in ceremony. I was so proud of all that she has accomplished and could totally relate to every emotion she was going through. It was a beautiful ceremony & I was totally honored to be there and to be a part of it.

Congratulations LSBFF!!! I'm so proud of you. Love you girl!

Not Much Has Changed

Just because I've been sworn in not much has changed in my life. For instance, I had 3 things I wanted to accomplish this weekend and as it comes to a close I must report that I did not get any of it done.

It was quite a whirl-wind of a weekend. After Friday night ended and Saturday came about my weekend became all about the munchkin. First we went to karate and then originally we had soccer practice scheduled; however, the coach had to cancel due to a family illness. Instead we ran errands the majority of the afternoon. This included the grocery store, the pharmacy, the dry cleaners, the bank, the gas station, and even the doctor's office for my allergy shot. Then today it was a trip to the roller rink so the munchkin could burn off some energy!

Now it is time for bed as the munchkin's spring break ends and he returns to school tomorrow and I return to work as a sworn in attorney still working as a paralegal!

I'm hopeful that this week is a very productive week...

Time To Get Cooking!

Apparently I've been bit by a shopping bug, but not the usual chick shopping bug. I've been bit by the grocery shopping bug.

I don't know what has sparked this, but I've been to the grocery shopping store twice today and I'm not even preparing any meals. I just can't seem to stay away and I keep buying more and more. I swear, if anyone looked in our cupboards and freezers you would think we were a family of seven, not two. We even have two full gallons and one partial gallon of milk.

Since we are so stocked I guess it is time to get cooking!

It Is Official

Today has been an exciting day!! First I woke up really early this morning to catch some of The Royal Wedding. Did you watch? I thought it was beautiful and romantic and definitely at the level of a storybook fairy tail. I just adore both Duke & Duchess William & Kate! Even though I was up before the crack of dawn I was still a little late to work. Opps. I place the blame on the Royal Family. Ha!

For the first time this week I actually got a little work done today, but 20 minutes before I was scheduled to leave the big boss man came by and told me to leave so I could get ready for my swearing in. He didn't have to tell me twice. I closed up shop, called my boss and told her that her boss' boss told me I could go, and hit the road.

I got home and discovered my son was in a horrible mood and considered canceling my ceremony, but luckily he shaped up by the time we entered the courtroom. And within minutes with only one slip up I was officially sworn into the State Bar!! I was so nervous and very happy that it was finally done! So now it is official...I'm a real attorney! And through it all I was reminded of how great a life I really do have! I'm surrounded by the most loving and wonderful friends and families and am so grateful for each and everyone of them even if they do drive me crazy from time to time.

After the ceremony I definitely had a few drinks and by the time I got back in the car and looked in the mirror I realized that my eye makeup was practically half-way down my face. This is usually a sign that I've had a few drinks. Apparently the alcohol makes my mascara and eyeliner runny!! Now I'm home, exhausted and doing laundry. How quickly everything goes back to normal.

The Next Step Already?!?

Apparently the next step in my life is getting sworn in so I can get my P# to practice. I would have thought I would have gotten one day off from questions, but I didn't. All conversations went as such, "Congratulations! When are you being sworn in?" Um, hello?!? I've known for a milli-second that I passed. Let me have a moment!

Of course the weather situation isn't helping either. Constant rain for the week isn't the weather I want when I'm going off to be sworn in. I know...priorities!

Happy Easter!!

It is rainy & 46 degrees outside this Easter morning.

The eggs left for EB (a/k/a the Easter Bunny) to hide were white due to lack of participation by the munchkin who announced after dinner last night, "I'm tired. Mom, can you color the eggs?" I asked him if he thought it would be okay if EB just hid white eggs. He found that acceptable. I was happy too, because I was equally exhausted.

I had to get up early this morning to make sure EB hadn't skipped our house and get my carrots over to make honey glazed carrots! I figured I probably needed to start laundry too and get the house ready for Easter dinner. So at 7am I had my carrots over, I confirmed EB remembered our house, started laundry and started getting the house ready for our guests.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Easter today!!

PASSED!!!!

Just a quick update... I got my bar results tonight and I passed!! Thank God.

Getting my results was an ordeal that I survived thanks to my LSBFF, my aunt, my munchkin, & my man! I love you guys! It is definitely post worthy, but not tonight!!!

Wishful Thinking...

Forty-eight hours of silence. No calls, no emails, no people. Me, silence, a beach, and a never empty drink...that's it! Apparently this is too much to ask for!!

Recovering From Surgery One Day At A Time

Each day I feel stronger and stronger. I'm definitely not back 100%, but I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be up to leave the house, finally! Well since I have to pick the munchkin up from school tomorrow afternoon I guess I won't have much of a choice.

Of course I originally hoped that this weekend I would get tons accomplished while I was home recovering from my surgery and so far all I have accomplished is getting lots of sleep and ordering my graduation regalia. Everything else has stayed on the sidelines as I regain my strength. Yet again I over estimated my abilities, but taking vicodin has helped me cope.

Surviving Surgery

A few years back my now former OB/GYN discovered a peri-ovarian cyst on my right side. It gave me no problems whatsoever. We monitored over the next couple of years and then almost a year ago he pushed me to have it removed, because the cyst was continuing to grow. With getting ready to enter my final semester in law school and then planning to go straight into studying for the bar I couldn't "fit" the surgery into my schedule, which pissed my former OB/GYN off, so I fired him and I scheduled an appointment with a new OB/GYN two days after finishing the bar.

My new OB/GYN did another ultrasound and discovered that the cyst was still growing and suggested that we go ahead and remove it. My surgery was scheduled for April 8th at 11:30am. So yesterday I went in for my surgery with the plan to drain and remove my cyst. By yesterday afternoon I came out of surgery to learn that things were worse than we expected. The cyst and my ovary were wrapping around one another and they both had to be removed.

Over 24 hours later I'm definitely bruised, battered, sore, and exhausted, but I'm home and recovering with one ovary still intact. My biological clock is happy that I should still be able to have more babies in the future...

Peace & Quiet

It is few and far between these days that my munchkin goes to sleep before me, especially during the week but tonight was the night! So even though I'm up much later than I hoped for I have to enjoy it for all it is worth. So I'm sitting here...tired, but enjoying my peace & quiet. I hope you are too.

Where Is The Time Going Now?!?

Wow! I don't know if I've ever went so long without blogging. My bad. My apologies too! Hopefully it won't be so long between posts in the future...

The last two weeks have been crazy busy and last week and this week I've been sick. Again. I'm trying to do extra things with the munchkin while all of us get a new schedule established. It is definitely difficult thus far and we haven't really hit our stride yet, but each day gets better. Now if I could just work trips to the gym, healthy eating, and some extra hours into the day life would be grand!!

I have to confess that I really thought I would have all of this time on my hands once school and studying was done, but that hasn't been the case. Between work, home, cubscouts, munchkin's school activities/homework, karate, my man, and family I'm finding that I have less time now then when I was going to school. What's up with that?! How does everyone else seem to get it all done?

All Or Nothing vs. Being Normal Again

Yes, I am still floundering over here as you can probably tell. Part of the reason I may still be floundering may be the fact that I hate taking shortcuts. I feel like I'm short changing myself or something. I guess I'm sort of an all or nothing person. I know sometimes that sets me up for failure.

But in an effort to change I made a sudden decision tonight. I know there is no way I can get on top of:

1) all of my personal emails sitting in my in-box, currently 147;

2) all of the tweets I've marked as favorites to go back and read the attachments, it was 250 and now I'm down to 65; and

3) all of my mail and paperwork I'm currently carrying around with me.

So...I'm going to whittle down my emails & my favorites in an effort to get back on top of things. Maybe this will be one of the first steps on getting things back together and getting back to my normal self, because I certainly do not feel normal yet.

Definitely Not Pretty, But It Was To Be Expected

It was almost like I was psychic Monday morning when I got on the scale. I just knew that I was going to have gained and gained a lot during the month of February. For some reason I also knew how much that scale was going to say I was weighing in at and I was only off by .4lbs.

Monday's stats...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 330.4lbs

Results from the last 5 weeks: +11.6lbs

Total weight lost: -32.6lbs

It is what it is and now I have to work back to getting those numbers down again. I haven't done great so far this week, but I definitely am not consuming as many calories I did over the last month. Hopefully that will help me get back on track, because I still find myself struggling. For some reason even though I have more time I'm getting less done than I was when I was working and going to school. What's up with that?!?

Experiencing A Fog Delay

I know you have heard this before, because I know I've said it many times here. I need to get my life together.

I went back to work this past week and it was brutal. The place is in turmoil, which is actually pretty normal. Everyone is angry and since I've been unexplainably irritable and pissy since the bar I really fit in. I received some unexpected news that it appears that work has apparently filled all of the recently vacant attorney spots and none have been reserved for me. It felt like I was caught in a horrible practical joke. I would recommend anyone coming off the stress we all just faced not to return to work the Monday following the bar to work a full week. Go back Wednesday for a short week. Trust me. You will thank me for this advice one day.

Sunday night I tweeted that I was going to attempt to quit smoking Monday. I have not succeeded in this goal, but I've certainly cut down loads, which is a huge thing for me. I may have been more successful if I was just dealing with my return to work this week, but that was not the case. Wednesday night I learned that a dear old friend of mine passed this week, which has been a huge emotional stressor in my life. In addition to this loss, Thursday my fears were confirmed that my work had screwed me by hiring 4 new attorneys without holding one back two months to wait for my bar results. We've actually had 5 attorneys either leave or are in the midst of leaving the end of March, so I had a glimmer of hope when originally it was known that they hired 3 new attorneys but Thursday we were informed they had hired 4 and that all positions were filled. Maybe they are holding one back and not letting anyone know, including me, but there is also a chance that they are not filling that last vacancy. Needless to say this has not helped my anger problem that I've had for over a week now and it has not helped my apparent post-bar blues. Nor has it helped me quit smoking this week...

Add to this rolling ball of crap I like to call my life the fact that mother nature arrived on time this month. Go figure. So not only am I having uncontrollable bouts of anger and depression add a basket full of emotions with a side of flowing tears and it has just been a ball over here.

This all leads to the fact that I have to get my life together. So regardless if I passed or failed the bar, I can't just keep going through each day in this continued fog state with an emotional laden basket full of anger, depression, and tears. In order to do this I need to take baby steps. My initial baby steps are: doing laundry, picking up the house, going grocery shopping for healthy choices, and taking the munchkin to the movies.

Reality Is Knocking On My Door

Last Monday we had another major snow storm. Of course that was the day I was set to head to the hotel to settle in to take the bar. So after chipping an inch of ice from my car and brushing off around 10 inches of snow I made the two hour drive to check-in. I then spent Tuesday & Wednesday being tortured by the State Bar Examiners. I had booked my hotel room for an extra night, so I headed home Thursday morning.

After checking out, I hit up a MickeyD's for a cheeseburger. When I took a bite I realized that I was so achy from stress that my whole face hurt just from biting and chewing a damn cheeseburger. Who could have imagined such a thing... It was crazy!

Two hours later I finally arrived home and just sat until the munchkin got home so we could go to karate and then dinner afterwards. Of course it snowed some more again Thursday night and I had a doctor's appointment scheduled Friday early afternoon, which required me getting up early. So another almost 4 inches freshly coated our frozen tundra Friday morning just to make the drive extra fun.

I went to my new OB/GYN, who I adore, to be told I'm going to definitely need to have surgery. So this will probably be set up for sometime in April. I feel comfortable with him and feel okay with finally having my ever growing cyst removed. Apparently I'm carrying a grapefruit (or a large orange, if you prefer) around. Nice, huh?! Afterwards I went and spent time with my guy, but not before I found a Wendy's to stop by so I could do my makeup in their bathroom. Yes, this is where my life currently is post-bar.

Today was my pampering day. I got my hair "did", had a massage, and my monthly facial and waxing. Since I've been home tonight all I've done is watch TV and chill, but it has all been done guilt-free. This is the best. But since I return to work Monday I definitely need to be motivated tomorrow to get some things done, because reality is knocking on my door...

Just To Reassure You

I am alive...

I survived the bar...

I am pretty sure I failed the bar...

I have not recovered from the experience...

I am not sure if I will ever recover...

There Really Is Only One Thing To Do!

1. Study for the Bar

That's it. Nothing else. This will be my one and only goal for this week and the following week. Don't worry! My long lists of things to do will return in a few weeks, but for now this is all I am focused on to accomplish...studying and passing the bar. Isn't life fun over here in j'lynn's world?!?

Congrats To My Aunt

She finally got a new job. My aunt has hated her job since the first week she took it a couple weeks ago. I can totally relate, because several years ago I was in that spot...I HATED MY JOB and knew it on day #5. So I'm very happy for her and I hope it brings her happiness.

Way to go Auntie...the munchkin and I wish you the best of luck! Love ya!

Following In Her Footsteps...

As was announced by Legally Fabulous, the bar is 2 weeks away from tomorrow. I'm definitely not holding it together nearly as well as she is. There may have been a panic attack Sunday afternoon that she graciously talked me down from on Twitter, which led me to wrapping raw chicken breasts to freeze in an effort to calm the hell down.

So for the next 2 weeks I'm just going to try and hold it together the best I can, get as much done as I can and if all ends well no one will get shanked between now and then... If it doesn't all end well, then I'll be in prison and my degree will work to certify me as the best damn jail house lawyer in the women's prison! It all works out one way or the other...

Congrats To The Packers

Who won the Super Bowl tonight! Way to go guys!! Congratulations!!!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 12

Just getting started: 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15

Needs attention: 7, 8, 13

Trying To Heal By Venting & Getting My Space Back

Okay...this is a long ass post and this is all about me and an issue that I just can't get past. I felt like I needed to vent, get it off my chest in order to move on. Yes, by the time you finish reading this post you may call me a judgmental bitch, because that doesn't both me at all. I know I'm a judgmental bitch...I own it and I'm okay with it. If you opt to skip this after a paragraph or so...I'm okay with that too, because this one is for me more than you. So here goes...

I have never held it secret or even quiet that I have major issues with some of my family members, especially my bro and his wife. There has been a long brewing battle with them, especially her. We do not fight even though I have thought of it and sometimes dreamt of it. I know that I'm allowing them to take up too much space in my head, my heart, and more importantly in my soul, so this post is my way of venting and letting it all go. I also know that some of my issue is jealousy, which is crazy, but it is what it is and I'm woman enough to admit it, because in all honesty some of this should be happening for me and it just hasn't happened yet. I know it will happen all in good time, but some of this crap just doesn't help.

Let me give you some background here. My bro and I have never been uber close. There are 8 years between us and light years between our mentalities. I know some of this is because of the way we grew up. My bro is my dad's son. My dad is not really my dad. Before my mom meet the man who would become my dad she had me. I was never given an opportunity to know my real father. My mom didn't even tell my father she was pregnant or that I existed until I was 18 months old. You see my mom was the "other woman" and my father had a wife and five sons from his marriage. I think my mom held long seeded hatred for my father, because when she finally told him that I existed she told him that if one day I showed up on his doorstep to spit in his face and spew my hatred at him she would back me. Um, I'm not sure why I would stand on this man's doorstep and spit in his face or spew hatred at him...it was never his fault as to why he wasn't in my life. That was my mother's choice and neither he nor I had a choice in the matter and we had to live with her choice.

It was always clear while I was growing up that my mother had convinced herself that my dad was my "real" dad. It was also made clear in my mind that my family didn't include me. Things were only done as a family when I wasn't home and it was just the three of them, my mom, my dad, & my bro. It wasn't all sunshine for my bro either, because my mom and dad are very selfish people. They always put the two of them above everything and everyone else, including my bro & I. The next step on the food chain was if the occasion called for a family was my mom, dad and my bro. I was lucky though because I had my Nana & Papa and I always retreated to them. They were my rock and they are who helped make me who I am today.

Once we were grownups and I was married and had my munchkin & my step-munchkin my bro married my x-sil and had a family, 2 beautiful boys. After their second son was born their marriage came to an end. This was sad, because I loved my x-sil and those 2 boys. The year was 2007. On Feb. 16th my bro filed for divorce and moved back in with my parents. I supported him the best I could and even paid for his divorce. It wasn't an angry divorce and didn't turn bad until the end of February, early March, when my bro moved in with a girl before his wife was even served with the divorce papers.

The new girl was kept pretty secretive from the whole family. She always has been. I'm not sure why. No one had ever met her and all that people knew was that she had a son that was born 22 days after my bro's second son. The first time I met this new girl was in April 2007. They drove up to get me after my going away party when I left my job in hell. I was too drunk to drive home so they came up to get me and bring me and my car home. I was told I wasn't allowed to look at her...she drove her car back and my bro drove me and my car back. I paid to fill up her gas tank before they dropped me and my car at home and I was reminded at the gas station and then when I got home that I wasn't allowed to look at her. I was like...whatever! I was drunk and I didn't care. At some point I suspected that the new girl was pregnant and confronted my mom over it. She confirmed that I was right and that the baby was due in mid-December. Um, hello...I can count too and according to my calculations you conceived mid-late March. Within 6 weeks of his filing for divorce.

Christmas time arrived that year and I received a Christmas card from the new girl, my bro, her 1 year old and "new baby" who wasn't even here yet. It was sent from them as Mr. & Mrs. This I found beyond tacky since he still wasn't divorced. I was still in shock that a single mom would move my bro into her home with her less than 6 month old son when she allegedly didn't know him prior to his filing for divorce. (Read: I've never bought the story and suspect that her son may actually be my bro's kid & they were having an affair as my x-sil suspected.) I mean hello...you don't know him. He could have been a child molester. If you want to be an idiot when it's just you fine, but you have a child and you should be more responsible. My bro finally told me the night his 3rd (or 4th depending on who you believe) son was born that they were expecting. Now that takes class, doesn't it?

The second time I met the new girl was at my mom's on Christmas Eve. Baby #3 was 3 or 4 days old (I debate the DOB, but that is just me because I remember him calling me on the 20th and everyone else says it was the 21st...whatever, neither here nor there). This was the same night that my x-sil allowed my mom to have the 2 boys to spend Christmas Eve with the family. There was a lot of hatred on my part that night, because the new girl came and picked up my oldest nephew and took him to their house before celebrating at my mom's. They didn't take my other nephew to as they said "celebrate Christmas as a family." I was beyond livid!! You don't get to pick and choose which of your other children you are going to include in your "new family." Needless to say when they returned to the house, the five of them, and I was holding my pocket baby (nephew #2) I said nothing to her. I didn't even look at baby #3. They left within a couple hours but not before treating my two nephews like crap.

That January my mother had to have surgery on the shoulder she broke at my house over the prior summer. I was doing her grocery shopping when I ran into the 3 of them (her son was in daycare) and while my bro and I stood there chatting the new girl stood there with her hand up next to her eyes blocking her from seeing me and her face turned away from me. (Read: she thinks she is still in high school.) Yes, this was the 3rd time I meet her in the 11 months since they were together.

No one in the family knew they were getting married until my family was at a family wedding and the grandmother of the bride, my mom's 2nd cousin, congratulated my bro to my mom and when my mom asked what she was talking about she told my mom that his wedding license was in the paper the day before. Nice way for your mom to find out that you are getting married. So him and the new girl got married at the courthouse some day in the midst of the drama with my two nephews. So my bro terminated his rights to my 2 nephews and married wife #2 with two new kids.

Fast forward to the email I received last spring of the new girl in a wedding dress asking me what I thought of her dress. This lead to a conversation of my confusion since they were already married and her telling me that they were having a real wedding (read: fake) and the reasons weren't satisfactory in my book. They weren't doing it because they loved one another and wanted to share that love with their friends and family...no, they were doing it because, according to the new girl, "I want to get dressed up and have my picture taken too" referring to my x-sil. That is a mature reason, huh? Then the date of the fake wedding came out and it was for when my munchkin's birthday party was scheduled and it was the day before my munchkin's birthday. Instead of an apology of jacking my son's birthday I was told "Well, I guess you'll have to move your son's birthday."

The day of the fake wedding arrived and the new girl made the mistake of running her mouth at one of my salons and telling my face girl "I fucking hate my fucking fiance. He has ruined my entire fucking life. I fucking hate him." That's love on your wedding day...fake or not. At the wedding where I dreamed of spilling a glass of red wine down the front of her fake wedding dress instead she walked up behind where I was sitting and pulled a chunk of my up-do down and asked if I had my hair done. The only reason I didn't knock her out was because I was sober and I felt a little sad for her...no-one from her family showed up to the fake wedding. And I mean no one....her parents didn't show, her 2 bros didn't show, her grandparents didn't show, no aunts, uncles or cousins either. (Read: See, even her own family doesn't like her.) I do however believe that mother nature showed up to warn them that this isn't the best decision, because there was a tornado the night of their fake wedding. This is a sign y'all...

The next time I saw them was on Christmas Eve where we deduced that the new girl is pregnant again. This normally isn't a big deal, but you see I'm the only grand-daughter, all of my cousins are boys, and none of what my mother considers the biological grand-children had a girl yet so after I filed for divorce and my x-sil was pregnant with baby #1 my bro threw it in my face not in the nicest manner that he will have a girl before me. Um, I think the fact that you are having sex and I'm not greatly increases your chances. So even though my 2 cousins have girls (the one my mom considers biological had a daughter in September and the one my mom doesn't consider biological~her bro adopted him when he was 5 after marrying my aunt~has a daughter who is going to be 15 this year) I know that my bro is adding to his child number in hopes that they have a girl before I do. Again, not hard...I'm still not having sex and don't have a plan for a baby in the next year or two. Duh!

So the latest compilations of crap that has finally broken me with being involved with my bro and the new girl are 3 separate incidents...

Incident #1 when the new girl commented that she would gladly give away her oldest son than the youngest son on Christmas Eve...as that "step-kid" who is known not to be biologically the father's child this hit me really hard. Aren't you suppose to stand up stronger for your child who you are the only real parent in the household to? Not be willing to toss him under the bus quicker than your other children who happen to belong to or have been admitted to belong to your spouse. Yes, I'm very sensitive to this situation and maybe too much too, but this was just uncalled for.

Incident #2 is when I was getting prank calls from the county jail and I called my mom to make sure it wasn't someone in the family and when she called my bro his response was, "I'm sorry to disappoint my sister, but it isn't me." How dare you think the fact that you are not in jail disappoints me. You are an idiot and a jackass.

Incident #3...throwing it in my face how you are moving into a 3,000+ square foot house in a ritzy subdivision while you remind me I'm still living in a single wide trailer. And of course the subdivision is one of the few that I have looked at and hoped to eventually relocate to as the munchkin and I move up in the world with all of my hard work in school, etc. Since I would rather live in a box than near them it has been crossed off my list. So upon learning this news in such a distasteful manner and with the rudeness that only my bro can invoke I have deleted their contact information from my phone and figure the only time I will really have to deal with any of them is maybe on Christmas Eve. So I say...well dear ex-bro and skanky x-new sil you are moving today to your new, rented "luxury" house that you can't afford (I know how much you make and how much your bills are and I do judge, so deal with it) and mother nature is with me, yet again. Because after our blizzard on Wednesday where we received 9 inches of snow, she showed up again today, your moving day, and is giving us another 3-6 inches.

Just another sign I say...a warning sign that this "marriage" is doomed and needs to stop. For God's sake even mother nature is telling you to end it. Duh!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3

Just getting started: 4, 5, 6

Needs attention: 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

Focus Change...18 Days Till Go Time

With 18 days until the bar my focus must change. From now till the end my focus is getting my shit together for The Bar. So if you don't hear from me...don't panic, I'm not dead...just studying.

My Friday To-Do List:

1. Go & see my guy

2. Write out my shopping list

3. Go shopping

4. Pick up the house

5. Study, study, study!!!!!

6. Do laundry

7. Workout

8. Get my allergy shot

9. Write my guy

10. Get re-motivated

11. Get re-focused for next week

12. Plan out our week

13. Get re-committed to my healthy living

14. Get re-organized

15. Get my shit back together

Blizzard of 2011

Well, we've been hearing the warnings for several days and right on time it showed up. Around 5:30pm this afternoon the Blizzard of 2011 blew into town and now 6 hours later it is still going strong. Actually, just minutes ago sleet was smacking our windows and the wind sounded like maybe a snow tornado had arrived in our yard. Of course according to the experts the best is yet to come...

Since we are set to get anywhere between 10 and 18 inches before this storm finishes I'm just aiming to keep my power & my internet connection for the duration.

If you are in the path of the Blizzard of 2011 stay safe, stay warm, and stay home y'all!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Just getting started: 9, 15, 16

Needs attention: Nothing!!

I Was Unprepared For Today, But Tomorrow Is A New Day

So my plan to start my new schedule today did not happen as I had planned. Even though I went to bed later than I had hoped it was still a decent time. The problem arose when hours later I was still awake. I finally fell asleep close to 3am.

While I was laying there awake, cursing my brain for not allowing me to sleep I never thought to get up and wash my workout pants to hit the gym first thing this morning. Opps!

So even though I was up at a decent time, showered and totally ready to go to the gym I had to wait until my workout pants were washed and dried. Add on to it the fact that I had several errands to run today and I felt the need to get a few things I would have done later in the week completed today in case we get hit with the big storm everyone is saying is forth coming and before I knew it I was walking back in the door at 1:30pm. Of course by then I was starving and didn't even get to crack a book until after 2pm (outside of what I read on the treadmill).

I remain focused and excited about putting this new schedule to work and pulling it off. Tomorrow I will be much better prepared to hit the ground running when I wake up, plus I will have a few more hours of sleep under my belt than I did this morning...or so I hope!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Just getting started: 9, 15, 16

Needs attention: Nothing!!

Ready For A New Schedule

So the schedule I've been attempting to follow has been to get up around 7am, catch up with my on-line life as the munchkin goes to school. Then the plan has been to do some studying, which I always hope will be around 8am, but always seems to happen much closer to 10am. Not good. Then after studying for a while I figure I need to take a shower and hit the gym with the understanding or belief that I will come back home and study some more. Of course by the time I get back home it is like 4pm. Then either I'm whipping up dinner for us so when my aunt and the munchkin get here they can eat before he heads to his next activity (CCD, Karate, Cub Scouts, etc.) By the time they leave it is around 6pm or so and they are usually scheduled to return between 8pm-9pm and in all honesty who is ready to study starting from 6-8pm?!? Obviously this isn't working for me and with 3 weeks left I need to find a new schedule that works better than what I've been trying.

So tomorrow I'm going to try a new schedule of getting up between 6 & 7am, shower and get ready for the gym and my day. Then I'm going to hit the gym first thing before I attempt to do any studying. The last few times at the gym I have been able to read BarBri on the treadmill, so that is where I will start for the day, then come home and it shouldn't be later than 10am by the time I get home to study. This will give me a huge chunk of time before I need to take a break to get dinner. And since I will only be taking a break for an hour or two it shouldn't be nearly as difficult to get back to studying for a couple hours till the munchkin returns home and we get ready for bed.

I'm sort of excited to start this new schedule tomorrow and I'm very hopeful that this week is much more productive than the past weeks...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13

Just getting started: 9, 14, 15, 16

Needs attention: 7

If Only I Could Go Back A Week And Get A Do Over

So today's reality check, which I knew was so going to happen after my inability to accomplish anything last week and my inability to stop myself from putting everything and anything in my mouth except healthy food and water, has spurred me to change my plan of attack. I have to change up my daily schedule because in 3 weeks I'm set to take the bar and if I do not get it together I will be just hitting repeat on all of this crap in 6 months...

More on my new plan of attack tomorrow. Until then, here are today's stats (to be expected)...

Starting weight: 363lbs (7/9/09)

Current weight: 318.8lbs

This week's results: +3.8lbs

Total weight lost: -44.2lbs

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 10

Just getting started: 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16

Needs attention: 7, 13

There Is No Other Option Left

Yes, in one week my life and everything I was holding high fell and shattered on the cement floor! I take complete and full responsibility for that fall and the following shattering. I had a strong run for a few weeks and even had a very strong weekend last week, but this week everything fell apart. I made it to the gym on Monday and then apparently everything went downhill starting Tuesday. This was the same day where I had to have extensive repairs made in my home, which were totally not expected. This is also the same day where for over 4 hours I had a bunch of people in my house and I also knew I had to take my munchkin to karate since my aunt's work schedule was screwed up that day. It was also the same day that I spent dreaming of Red Lobster and was rudely denied due to an electrical problem.

Once I had experienced that one bad day it just kept repeating itself every other day this week or so it seemed. Wednesday was the day of the washer problems. I had hoped this would be fixed by the end of the afternoon, but yet again...a denial. I discovered that I would have to wait another week to get that taken care of too. Not what I had planned at all.

The biggest problems I seemed to be facing this week was I was definitely feeling exhausted and was still dreaming about that Red Lobster dinner that I was denied Tuesday. Yesterday I just couldn't seem to get anything moving over here. I felt dead to the world. I so could have laid down and took a really long nap, but I didn't. Instead I made plans to finally get my Red Lobster dinner with the munchkin and my aunt after his karate class so I could stop dreaming about my Sunset Passion Colada and my coconut shrimp! Of course we were in the midst of a little snow storm (1-2"s). I was exhausted before we made it to dinner, so after my two drinks I was totally ready for the bed.

The munchkin and I were in the bed by 9pm last night...I was stuffed and very sleepy with the perfect amount of frozen alcohol mixed in. This all led me to get up very early this morning (hello 5:15am!) and realize that even though I apparently took this past week off I have to get my life back in order or else in just over 3 weeks I will be in some serious trouble and I won't be able to bail myself out of that mess. This is a requirement for me this week. No more screwing around. It is just me, my list and BarBri...we will be one this week and I will get back on that wagon of having my life together. No if's, and's, or but's about it! No more excuses!!!

My Friday To-Do List:

1. Go & see my guy

2. Write out my shopping list

3. Go shopping

4. Pick up the house

5. Study, study, study!!!!!

6. Do laundry

7. Workout

8. Get my allergy shot

9. Write my guy

10. Pick up our pictures

11. Get re-motivated

12. Get re-focused for next week

13. Plan out our week

14. Get re-committed to my healthy living

15. Get re-organized

16. Get my shit back together