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From A Small Town, In The Midwest, United States
My favorite quote...We all live in hiding. In one way or another each of us conceal pieces of ourselves from the rest of the world. Some people hide because their lives depend on it. Others because they don't like being seen. And then there are those special cases, the ones who hide because they just want someone to care enough to look for them...Which one are you?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Why Is This So Hard?

Back in my teen years I worked at both Wendy's & Taco Bell. I was always put on the cash register, because I was fast and efficient. I never in my life ever made a sandwich or a taco or a burrito or anything like that. I was in charge of taking orders and all that goes with that and making drinks. I don't remember it being that hard! Don't get me wrong...it can be tiring and I totally get that. For goodness sake I worked at the Taco Bell inside our one and only mall and that was when Taco Bell was just starting to be "the fast-food place to go!" I remember when I was a little kid everyone thought if you ate at Taco Bell you were totally welfare!! Ha!! Not even 10 years later it was all the rage! So how is it that the two places I went yesterday, Arby's & Wendy's, both screwed up my order??

Come on people, it isn't rocket science & I'm not even that difficult of an orderer!! I hate lettuce on my chicken sandwiches, so I ordered my chicken sandwich sans lettuce with extra mayo~emotional, remember?!? What was on it when I got home? You guessed it~lettuce!! Now mind you at Arby's it isn't like a lettuce slice you can just peel off...oh no! It is shredded lettuce mixed in with the mayo, so you are totally screwed! Then after getting my pampering done and picking up some sugar-free ice cream (see my previous post about being emotional) for the house I went through Wendy's drive thru for my usual large diet coke. Of course I got to throw that out when I got home, because they gave me regular coke. UGH!!! Come on people!! You weren't even busy...there was one car in front of me and no one behind me and you still couldn't get that right?! Seriously!?! It was just more cost effective to toss out the $1.05 coke than it was to spend my time & gas driving to the other side of town. Plus I was a little afraid in my current state of mind that I would take the large drink and throw it on the woman who gave it to me as I returned it and so politely asked for a corrected drink!

What is hard though is losing weight...well, that is one of the hard things in life. At least it is for me!! It is so crazy hard that it isn't even funny!! Like not even a little bit. I'm usually disgusted when I read about people who are trying to gain weight and just can't! Um come over here and I'll show you how to gain weight!! I'm never too upset to eat or too happy to eat or too hot to eat or too tired to eat and by golly I'm never too busy to eat! And I'm not a lover of all things healthy for you, heck I'm not even a liker of it. I get the concept...duh! I know it is healthier and better for you to eat whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and it isn't healthy to eat anything white, processed or fried. And I know it makes things worse for you to eat those things! BUT I LOVE THEM. And I don't mean love in the sense of 'I prefer,' I mean I truly love them!! I sometimes wake up in the morning and think of all the yummy, nasty crap I could eat!!
When I went to the nutritional folks after I was diagnosed as a diabetic I told the women if I lived in a perfect world my daily menu would consist of greasy pizza for breakfast, a big mac for a snack, horrible fried Chinese food for lunch, chocolate cake for a snack, and Mexican smothered in cheese & sour cream for dinner, and a hot fudge (with extra fudge) sundae for dessert! I included the fact that this would all be washed down with coke (the real deal) and chocolate malts! They laughed and I thought, "No! I'm being serious here people!" But since my insides had started catching up with my fat ass on the outside I've been struggling to make all those hard sucky decisions. Some days are easier than others. Okay...the easy days are the days I just sleep the entire day away and since we both know that doesn't happen often, almost every day is a hard day in making those damn "better for you" decisions.

Well today I weighed in and I'm back here with Today's Stats...

Starting weight (7/8/09): 363lbs
Current weight: 317.6lbs
This week's results: -3.2lbs
Total weight lost: -45.4lbs

I was very excited to see this number come up this morning! I mean...very excited!! Hello!! It is the lowest I've weighed since I started this whole journey over a year ago!! I was actually a little shocked too, because I didn't have the best week. It wasn't a bad week, but I went over my calories every single day this week. I only made it to the gym once and I knew I was feeling pretty damn emotional this entire week, especially the last two days. Plus when I put a pair of jeans on yesterday I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I do think this little good news was exactly what I needed today and for this week. :)

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 20, 22
Just getting started: 19, 21, 25
Needs attention: 10, 11, 16, 17, 23, 24

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