The first, the only, the last...

Tonight, I went to the first, the only; therefore, the last Christmas party I will attend this year. I am not a fan of the Holidays. I usually spend it pretty depressed. I don't know why. I always have. I'm sure it has to do with my childhood. Doesn't it usually?

I remember being way younger and everyone telling me it was because I was alone and when I met and feel in love then I would like the holidays. Well, I met someone and feel madly in love and still didn't like the holidays. Then everyone said to wait until I had kids. I had my step-son and then my munchkin and I still didn't like the holidays. Then everyone said to wait until the kids were older and got more out of the holidays. My munchkin is 7 & 1/2 and I still don't like the holidays. Is there something wrong with me?

I try to fake it the best I can. I try and put on a happy face. I push myself to make everyone think that I like the holidays, but it is all fake. I will spend the next 2.5 weeks in a pissy depressed mood and irritated by everything. I will really only want to spend my days in bed away from everyone with no contact from the outside world. I will try my best to fake my way through and come Christmas Eve after spending hours at my mom's with the family and after Santa comes to visit I will sit in the chair I find myself in right now with tears streaming down my cheeks until I'm out of tears and then I will take myself to bed so I can get up the next day, fake it some more and put on the family Christmas dinner...a little happier just because I know the holidays are almost over.

Accomplished: 12, 23, 31

Started: 5, 36, 37

Untouched: too many to list...