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From A Small Town, In The Midwest, United States
My favorite quote...We all live in hiding. In one way or another each of us conceal pieces of ourselves from the rest of the world. Some people hide because their lives depend on it. Others because they don't like being seen. And then there are those special cases, the ones who hide because they just want someone to care enough to look for them...Which one are you?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Mental Block~~The 20's

I knew it wasn't going to be good. I told myself I would be okay even if it went up by 5lbs. Yes, I lie to myself often! I hopped on the scale this morning and it read 322.6. I gained 1.4lbs this week. Ugh! It wasn't okay with me. I'm not okay with it. I do not accept the gain of 1.4lbs!!

I swear I ate everything in sight this week. I had tons of snack-cakes, which not only are horrible for my weight, but also horrible for my sugar. I never felt full all week...well, except after I skipped E&T Thursday night and we went to Logan's Roadhouse for dinner. OMG, I thought I was going to be sick when we left there. I didn't even eat all of my steak, but I munched on appetizers (chicken tenders, onion chips, & mushrooms), ate a salad with ranch dressing, had a loaded baked potato, most of my steak and gorged myself on their rolls and butter. Even while I was stuffing the rolls into my chubby little face they weren't tasting as good as I remembered, but I still stuffed, stuffed, and stuffed some more until I was miserable on the drive home. I felt so awful I had to take a gas pill to aid in the digestion process!

I think I know partially where I went wrong...two areas really. The first being that I didn't cook last weekend. I've been really trying to cook something that I like on the weekend so we have some left overs and I don't seek out other tasty food. I failed at this last weekend. The second area was that first snack cake. Once I have one I cannot stop myself. I lose total control. So last night, knowing today was not going to be pretty, I finished the snack cakes so they are no longer around.

I think I have a mental block with the 20's. I remember many, many years ago when I was a hundred pounds lighter than I am now I couldn't get out of the 220's. Now I'm in the same spot, but this time a hundred pounds heavier. So I swear to myself that I will get out of the 320's and it will happen very, very soon. I will not let this deter my ultimate goal. My new mini-goal is to be below 320lbs in the next 3 weeks! Damn it to hell!!

Another contributor to my gain this week, albeit minor, I got no exercise this week. I didn't make the gym Monday night because it was parent's night at CCD. I felt out of sorts all week and just felt lazy and icky about myself or about my progress or something...I just don't know what though. So...I ate crap almost all week. Hell, I barely consumed my water. I skipped some classes, took a snow day from work and accomplished nothing productive. Well, this shit is gonna change this week!

After my man woke me up at 8:40am this morning to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day (God, do I love that man~~he is so sweet!), I got out of the bed, did my weigh in, washed the grapes I picked up Friday night grocery shopping, made myself a western-style omelette with egg-beaters, and then started my dinner, sloppy joes in the crock-pot! It isn't the healthiest dinner, but it is tasty. I actually used my ex-mother-in-law's recipe and put extra green peppers and onions in it.

For the munchkin I made him chocolate cupcakes. I even used the ol' tried and true WWs cake recipe! This way if I do find myself tempted it won't be as horrible as the real deal. Plus, I've yet to find a single person who can tell the difference in a WWs cake and a regular cake! I haven't decided if I'm going to decorate them in white with red sprinkles or in red. Maybe a little of both...

So, #15...consider yourself checked & done! And as for you...#'s 14, 17 & 19, I've got you started and I'm about to check you too!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15, 18, 20
Just getting started: 8, 14, 16, 17, 19
Needs attention: 7, 11

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