I went back to work this past week and it was brutal. The place is in turmoil, which is actually pretty normal. Everyone is angry and since I've been unexplainably irritable and pissy since the bar I really fit in. I received some unexpected news that it appears that work has apparently filled all of the recently vacant attorney spots and none have been reserved for me. It felt like I was caught in a horrible practical joke. I would recommend anyone coming off the stress we all just faced not to return to work the Monday following the bar to work a full week. Go back Wednesday for a short week. Trust me. You will thank me for this advice one day.
Sunday night I tweeted that I was going to attempt to quit smoking Monday. I have not succeeded in this goal, but I've certainly cut down loads, which is a huge thing for me. I may have been more successful if I was just dealing with my return to work this week, but that was not the case. Wednesday night I learned that a dear old friend of mine passed this week, which has been a huge emotional stressor in my life. In addition to this loss, Thursday my fears were confirmed that my work had screwed me by hiring 4 new attorneys without holding one back two months to wait for my bar results. We've actually had 5 attorneys either leave or are in the midst of leaving the end of March, so I had a glimmer of hope when originally it was known that they hired 3 new attorneys but Thursday we were informed they had hired 4 and that all positions were filled. Maybe they are holding one back and not letting anyone know, including me, but there is also a chance that they are not filling that last vacancy. Needless to say this has not helped my anger problem that I've had for over a week now and it has not helped my apparent post-bar blues. Nor has it helped me quit smoking this week...
Add to this rolling ball of crap I like to call my life the fact that mother nature arrived on time this month. Go figure. So not only am I having uncontrollable bouts of anger and depression add a basket full of emotions with a side of flowing tears and it has just been a ball over here.
This all leads to the fact that I have to get my life together. So regardless if I passed or failed the bar, I can't just keep going through each day in this continued fog state with an emotional laden basket full of anger, depression, and tears. In order to do this I need to take baby steps. My initial baby steps are: doing laundry, picking up the house, going grocery shopping for healthy choices, and taking the munchkin to the movies.
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