We Will Call Him Bubba

While I was off studying for the bar at the beginning of the year my office hired a friend of mine from law school who graduated a semester before me and passed the bar last year. I was a little shocked because he did not seem the type of guy who would want to work where I worked. He is a nice guy, but never came off as a hard worker while we were in law school. When the two of us realized that he was going to be working there he was much more excited about the prospect of us working together.

Bubba started mid-March and started off on the wrong foot from day one. Of course for the first 3.5 months he worked there I was still a paralegal there, but now we are equals as attorneys and are even assigned to the same team.

Our office is always under the watchful eyes of our General Counsel and the powers that be in our company, but in the last 2 months we have been under the gun thanks to some bad press, so to speak. I've always been cautious about how I perform in my job, because I know how the politics work there and now that I'm an attorney there with the extra attention the office has received I'm even more aware of what I need to do and have became even more neurotic about my files.

As anyone knows, especially anyone who works in the legal field, defaults are huge and pretty damn scary. So the fact that Bubba has received about 5 in the last 4 months is just mind blowing to me! And the more things he misses or blows makes me even more on edge. So needless to say when I didn't go to lunch with him, other members of our team and others from the office yesterday because I had too much work to do sounded like a smart decision to me, because I had no desire to bring work home to do this weekend.

While I was talking to Bubba before he left for lunch I mentioned that if not for the munchkin I would probably be a workaholic. So needless to say I was shocked when Bubba told me I needed to not be so uptight about work and inquired if I had any hobbies!! Um, dude...maybe you need to get more uptight about work!

Maybe I shouldn't have been offended by his comment and question, but I was! Maybe I'm going about this whole being a new attorney thing wrong, but where we practice it is a small legal community and since I don't plan on being at my office forever I want a strong reputation out there.

And by the way Bubba, I do have a hobby, along with a kid, and a home to run.

Guess It Really Is Time To Become A Real Grown Up!

Three weeks ago tomorrow I started my first job as an attorney. Yes, even three weeks later, I'm still lost, confused, and scared to death. There really is a difference between playing attorney with your law school work and really being the one fully responsible for a real person's suit.

Of course my job is not in the area I long to work in, criminal defense, but it is still the defense side and it is a job. As we all know these days that is a big deal! Some day I will make that transition to the criminal area, but for now I'm getting my feet wet in the civil arena.

I guess this means that it is finally time I grow up and become a real adult. I'm not sure I'm ready for this part. You would think being 34 and a mom to a wonderful, although sometimes challenging, 9 year old munchkin that I would have already accomplished this, but I haven't. It feels totally different! Maybe it is also because now that I don't have the excuse of classes and homework I'm having to step up at home again too.

Both the munchkin and I are working through our adjustment period as I take a stronger lead at home (can you say "iron fist baby" because my son thinks that is how I rule!) and I adjust to being a real attorney. Some days are better than others. But we survive them all...together. So as long as I don't make any huge mistakes with the kid or get a default or blow that all famous statue of limitations we will make it as I work on this whole being a real grown up thing!

Of course it all scares the shit out of me every day!

Another First In Being A Real Grown-Up.

Tonight was a first for me, attending a fundraiser honoring two Judges. It was nice, but relatively boring since the only people I knew there were the folks I attended with and one other person from school. I knew a few of the Judges that were in the crowd, but since I don't have much experience in that field I don't know them well enough to chit-chat. Even though it had the makings of being a boring evening I was still glad I went and I hope that in the future I get to attend more of these things. Of course it would have been nice to be able to say, "I'm an attorney at [x, y, z]." Maybe next time I will!

Thanks to Prof. Arrogance for giving us the tickets and to my LSBFF for being there so we could suffer together. But next time let's eat...I was starving by the time I got home and my left over sour cream noodle bake just didn't cut it!

Being Back Feels Good

I finally feel like I'm getting back on track.

Graduation is over. Bar is over. Swearing in is over.

Now it is time to get things back on track.

I've gotten caught up on my blog reading and emails and reading all of the things I had marked as favorites on twitter too! I have all of my filing caught up too.

Now I have two things that I need to get caught up on...writing out talking points for my guy's next hearing in less than a month and writing my guy a real letter, which I haven't done in months!! These are the little things I have to still do.

But being back feels good...

It Is Official

Today has been an exciting day!! First I woke up really early this morning to catch some of The Royal Wedding. Did you watch? I thought it was beautiful and romantic and definitely at the level of a storybook fairy tail. I just adore both Duke & Duchess William & Kate! Even though I was up before the crack of dawn I was still a little late to work. Opps. I place the blame on the Royal Family. Ha!

For the first time this week I actually got a little work done today, but 20 minutes before I was scheduled to leave the big boss man came by and told me to leave so I could get ready for my swearing in. He didn't have to tell me twice. I closed up shop, called my boss and told her that her boss' boss told me I could go, and hit the road.

I got home and discovered my son was in a horrible mood and considered canceling my ceremony, but luckily he shaped up by the time we entered the courtroom. And within minutes with only one slip up I was officially sworn into the State Bar!! I was so nervous and very happy that it was finally done! So now it is official...I'm a real attorney! And through it all I was reminded of how great a life I really do have! I'm surrounded by the most loving and wonderful friends and families and am so grateful for each and everyone of them even if they do drive me crazy from time to time.

After the ceremony I definitely had a few drinks and by the time I got back in the car and looked in the mirror I realized that my eye makeup was practically half-way down my face. This is usually a sign that I've had a few drinks. Apparently the alcohol makes my mascara and eyeliner runny!! Now I'm home, exhausted and doing laundry. How quickly everything goes back to normal.

Experiencing A Fog Delay

I know you have heard this before, because I know I've said it many times here. I need to get my life together.

I went back to work this past week and it was brutal. The place is in turmoil, which is actually pretty normal. Everyone is angry and since I've been unexplainably irritable and pissy since the bar I really fit in. I received some unexpected news that it appears that work has apparently filled all of the recently vacant attorney spots and none have been reserved for me. It felt like I was caught in a horrible practical joke. I would recommend anyone coming off the stress we all just faced not to return to work the Monday following the bar to work a full week. Go back Wednesday for a short week. Trust me. You will thank me for this advice one day.

Sunday night I tweeted that I was going to attempt to quit smoking Monday. I have not succeeded in this goal, but I've certainly cut down loads, which is a huge thing for me. I may have been more successful if I was just dealing with my return to work this week, but that was not the case. Wednesday night I learned that a dear old friend of mine passed this week, which has been a huge emotional stressor in my life. In addition to this loss, Thursday my fears were confirmed that my work had screwed me by hiring 4 new attorneys without holding one back two months to wait for my bar results. We've actually had 5 attorneys either leave or are in the midst of leaving the end of March, so I had a glimmer of hope when originally it was known that they hired 3 new attorneys but Thursday we were informed they had hired 4 and that all positions were filled. Maybe they are holding one back and not letting anyone know, including me, but there is also a chance that they are not filling that last vacancy. Needless to say this has not helped my anger problem that I've had for over a week now and it has not helped my apparent post-bar blues. Nor has it helped me quit smoking this week...

Add to this rolling ball of crap I like to call my life the fact that mother nature arrived on time this month. Go figure. So not only am I having uncontrollable bouts of anger and depression add a basket full of emotions with a side of flowing tears and it has just been a ball over here.

This all leads to the fact that I have to get my life together. So regardless if I passed or failed the bar, I can't just keep going through each day in this continued fog state with an emotional laden basket full of anger, depression, and tears. In order to do this I need to take baby steps. My initial baby steps are: doing laundry, picking up the house, going grocery shopping for healthy choices, and taking the munchkin to the movies.

It's The Weekend Y'all!

I know I've been "having a moment" for quite some time lately. This is likely stress induced. But I am happy to report that this past week I feel like I've been lifted from the fog! I'm now looking forward to having a very good and very productive weekend! What are your plans for this weekend?

My Friday To-Do List:

1. Go & see my guy

2. Write out my shopping list

3. Go shopping

4. Get my house cleaned/picked-up

5. Turn in my Externship time sheet

6. Find out if the munchkin's soccer team made the final tournament games for Saturday

7. Update munchkin's cub scout leader about whether he will be at Saturday's den meeting

8. Attend the munchkin's final fall game if they play

9. Do laundry

10. Do all of my MBE homework

11. Do all of my SBM Essay homework

12. Do all of my Externship homework

13. Write out my bills

14. Balance my checkbook

15. File my papers

16. Write my guy

17. Get my allergy shot

18. Get my unibrow, hairy lip & chin waxed

19. Get my monthly facial

20. Catch up on my TIVO

21. Catch up on my emails

22. Update my October budget

23. Update my calendar

24. Workout

25. Get our scripts refilled

26. Drop off my dry cleaning

27. Pick up my dry cleaning

28. Pick up our scripts

29. Workout

30. Get my pictures developed

31. Write out the munchkin's school & soccer pictures

32. Continue cleaning out our closets and drawers

33. Go through my papers & mail, which has been piling up for 2 weeks now

34. Get me some serious sleep

35. Get re-motivated

36. Get refocused for next week

37. Re-commit to my healthy living

38. Plan out my week

39. Get organized

40. Get my shit together

Consider It Completed

This week I actually made all of my scheduled time at my Externship! Kudos to me!! Monday I attempted to shadow one of the attorneys Prof. Arrogance suggested I follow. I actually stood outside of her assigned courtrooms for about 50 mins waiting for her before I realized someone from the office whom I never met before was covering as my A's Girl called in sick. Once it was determined she was basically just adjourning all of the cases for a week and Funny Man from the office popped in saying he had 4 Prelims going I opted to follow him for the remainder of the day in court. Of course he worked my butt out making me go up 2 flights of stairs, then back down, and up one final time. Yikes! But I survived and we finally left court after 1pm.

Today I followed a younger defender and he basically let me run his entire docket in the courtroom for the morning. I was so scared yet excited. I did one bail hearing, which was totally granted (neither he nor I expected that to happen either) and the defendant even thanked me with a wink. Go figure he was just declared competent to stand trial in the last few days... I got one Prelim Exam adjourned and performed another one. It was so damn exciting. My newly adopted leader kept telling me how great I did after we were leaving. It made me feel so good. I was totally proud of myself.

When I left court my weekend was filled with so many errands I lost count! From there I swung by my chips & salsa place to recollect the money they owed me for the extra charge from two weeks ago. Then I went to the Federal Courts for a docket printout of one of my 3 litigation files to put with my Bar Application. Then I drove out and was fingerprinted twice for the Bar Application. Then I made my way to my ortho's office where I was told there was nothing he could do today for my wrist. I was not a happy camper.

I swung by one of the declared best pizza places in the area, but not for pizza...for their yummy yummy salad. I raced back home to go to the local court to get copies of my local litigation docket sheets and some of the pleadings. I wasn't sure I was going to make it before they closed, but I did. Heck, I even made it to the bank so I could get my money orders for the Bar Application. I went to Staples to get envelopes for my Bar Application and then finally headed home. That's when I did it...I hit "complete" on my Bar Application and printed it out. All that is left is to put it together, sign everything, get it notarized and put it in the mail!

All in all...today was a great day!! Of course this all left me exhausted tonight, plus I suspect I may have a little cold, but I'm trying to fight my way through it all...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 13, 14, 15, 16, 20, 21, 2223

Just getting started: 5, 10, 11, 17, 18, 19, 24, 25, 26

Needs attention: 6, 7, 8, 9, 12

I Have To Get Back To Basics

This weekend I was pretty productive, but on all the wrong things... I should have focused more on my homework and studying for my two midterms scheduled for tomorrow, but I didn't. Now I just have to deal with that. I have no one to blame other than myself. So I will do my best in the next 24 hours and then deal with the consequences of that when it comes. I can't change it and can only control the present and change for the future.

I had different plans for this weekend, but it didn't turn out the way I had hoped. Friday night after going to see my guy and grocery shopping I came home and got a few things done before I realized it was already 3am and made myself to go to bed. I had tons of errands that I needed to run Saturday morning and the majority of them had to be done before 1pm, so I set the alarm in my bathroom to get up at 9am. Of course I forgot to turn it on. Opps! Then I went to bed, started to catch up on Twitter and the next thing I knew I had something under me vibrating and it was light outside. I was a little disorientated before I realized that it was my phone under me in the bed vibrating. I passed out catching up on Twitter and forgot to switch off from vibrate and also didn't set that alarm either. It was almost 11am. Opps!!

I rushed around and got all of my errands done before places closed on me except getting my oil changed, but that really wasn't necessary and I have enough miles to go in my 5,000 miles to make it to next weekend with no problem, so it was all good! I made my way back to the house by about 2:30pm. I had hoped to be home much earlier so I could get lots more done, which would let me work on drafting my flashcards for my MBE midterm while watching the Alabama football game starting at 3:30pm. Well, that didn't happen. I watched the game and did laundry while watching the game and got a few other things done, of course none of that was school related.

After Alabama lost (which was heartbreaking for both my man and I) I continued to work on getting a few things done and then my former neighbor called me late last night and chatted my ear off for almost 2 hours. Again it was another late night and I went to bed at 4:00am. I didn't really want to go to bed, because I was feeling motivation to get things done, but I made myself go. This of course lead to me not getting up until 11:40am this morning, which put me behind. I had no desire to work on homework so instead I worked on my bar application and a few other things until almost 7pm. Then I started working on homework, so I've made very little progress in that area and now I'm out of time, so I'm hopeful that tomorrow I'll go to court in the morning for my Externship and then get a few hours of studying in before I take my tests.

I think my main problem with this semester is that I'm just not mentally ready to start to even think about preparing for the bar let alone having to do it for classes. Combine that with my senioritis and I'm having issues, but I need to get it together! I think I need to take myself back to basics. I haven't felt this mentally blocked with school since my 2L year, so I need to really get my shit together. I only really have about 8 weeks of school left so I now is the time to get it together! I will take my midterms tomorrow and move on...hopefully as a better student to finish on a high note, not feeling like a schmuck!

The other area of my life that I have to get back to basics is my battle of the bulge. I knew today's weigh in was going to be horrible. Today's stats...

Starting weight (7/8/09): 363lbs

Current weight: 326lbs

This week's results: +6lbs

Total weight lost: -37lbs

I ate like crap last week and ate out a lot and when I ate out I ate a lot! So I need to get back to basics and take control back. I have no choice. What I'm doing is stupid. I'm tired of playing this back and forth game. What am I doing other than wasting time and constantly getting upset with myself? I sure as hell am not making myself feel good with this constant gain one week, lose the next, gain the following week, back and forth constantly. So I'm getting back to basics...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 14, 15, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Just getting started: 9, 10, 11, 32

Needs attention: 12, 16, 17, 18, 24, 25

Got On The Record & I Loved Every Minute Of It!!!!!!

So I met with Miami Vice this morning, because I now have to start filling out time sheets at my Externship. Odd, but whatever. Of course when we spoke yesterday I was told he would be at the office from 8:30am-8:55am. So I got there around 8:35am and then I waited and waited and waited. Finally at 8:50am Miami Vice showed up and admitted he was dragging. We talked a bit and I agreed I would follow him for the morning.

I met Miami Vice at the courthouse a few minutes later...after I ran into my LSBFF! :) Nothing like running into your LSBFF to brighten your day! (Thanks LSBFF!!) Apparently they were giving out a free set of steak knives in addition to a felony and jail/prison time, because everyone and their brother was there this morning. I swear to God there were like 250 people in line waiting to get in and I'm not counting jurors, attorneys and us interns!

We ran around like crazy with the few clients of Miami's and got them all taken care of in less than an hour so then he shipped me off to the first young defender I followed weeks ago. She was swamped, but she did give me an opportunity to get on the record! Twice!! Two sentencing hearings! I was totally stoked and I want to do it every single day now!! Woo-hoo! And what was most thrilling is when she told me how great I did! She even said she was impressed at my demeanor, my decorum, and the deference I gave to the Court! She even said that my introductory request to practice speech was the best she had ever heard. (Again, I have my LSBFF to thank for that!!! Thank you LSBFF!!!!)

By then it was time to go as we were done for the morning and I had to go to my other job. I can't even say my "real" job, because I want my externship to be my "real" job!! My afternoon sucked there, but that is the status quo these days there. I finally left there around quarter to 7pm and other than stopping for gas I made my way home. I was hoping to get some things done tonight, but that didn't really happen. And after I watch Sons of Anarchy I'm off to bed...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 29, 32

Just getting started: 12, 15, 18, 26, 27, 28, 30, 31

Needs attention: 13, 14, 16, 17

Baby Steps

I've decided to do baby steps with everything I have going on. Do a little here, do a little there till I'm caught up and back on top of things. So that is my goal this week. Do what I can, when I can and get things back on track till I'm back on top of my game.

In other baby news, my cousin Ranger and his wife had their precious baby girl at 12:15am this morning. He was scheduled to redeploy back to Afghanistan today, so I'm hopeful that the Red Cross was able to get him a 24-48 hour extension on his leave so he could spend a little time with his new bundle of joy. Congratulations go out to Ranger & Ranger's Wife on their little Ellie Mae. :)

Lastly today was my aunt's 64th b-day! Gosh she puts me to shame doing all what she does at her age! Happy Birthday Auntie! ;) We love you, we thank you and we wouldn't be able to do what we do without you! God Bless and Happy Birthday!!! :)

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 31, 36

Just getting started: 11, 13, 14, 15, 19, 32, 33, 34, 35, 37, 38

Needs attention: 8*, 12, 16, 17, 18, 30

*~~Deleted

Concentrating on #38

For quite some time I have felt off. Then this semester started and it has been downhill ever since. I feel like I cannot get it together.

In the past I've been able to have at least certain areas of my life together while struggling in only one or two other areas; however, I'm not able to say I have even one area together right now. And I haven't for quite some time now.

Being in this position frustrates me and I need to find my way out of it because it is affecting me in so many negative ways and it is starting to snowball on me...

My Friday To-Do List:

1. Attend our Sunrise Service Meeting at work

2. Go to my Externship office to get my "credentials"

3. Go & see my guy

4. Write out my shopping list

5. Go shopping

6. Get my house cleaned

7. Do laundry

8. Get my allergy shot

9. Write out my bills

10. Balance my checkbook

11. File my papers

12. Write my guy

13. Do all of my MBE homework

14. Do all of my SBM Essay homework

15. Do all of my Externship homework

16. Get the munchkin's birthday pictures taken

17. Workout

18. Continue cleaning out our closets and drawers

19. Continue to work on my bar application

20. Catch up on my emails

21. Catch up on my TIVO

22. Catch up on my blog reading

23. Update my September budget

24. Get waxed

25. Get my monthly facial

26. Follow-up with the registrar on the Grad App that is due

27. Follow-up with my boss about switching my days next week to finish my trial

28. Follow-up with Miami Vice about switching my days @ my Externship next week for my trial

29. Put away my summer decorations

30. Decorate for Halloween/Fall

31. Celebrate my aunt's 64th b-day

32. Get me some serious sleep

33. Get re-motivated

34. Get re-focused for next week

35. Re-commit to my healthy living

36. Plan out my week

37. Get organized

38. Get my shit together

MPRE. Passed. Done.

Need I say more people?!? ;) That was the best news of the day! I cannot expand on it any further than that! I passed. With flying colors. It is over. It is done. One step closer to being an attorney!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 16, 18, 21, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

Just getting started: 4, 13, 14, 15, 20, 33, 34

Needs attention: 12, 17, 19, 22

Taking The Bull By The Horns

This is my weekend of renewal. This is my chance to get everything settled and ready to go so I can take on this semester and kick ass! After the past several weeks of falling off my own personal wagon I'm taking this weekend to get back up on that wagon!

My Friday To-Do List:

1. Go & see my guy

2. Write out my shopping list

3. Go shopping

4. Pick up the house

5. Get my allergy shot

6. Get my unibrow waxed

7. Get my monthly facial

8. Do laundry

9. Write out my bills

10. Balance my checkbook

11. File my papers

12. Write my guy

13. Do all of my MBE Homework

14. Do all of my SBM Essay Homework

15. Do all of my Externship Class Homework

16. Catch up on my TIVO backlog

17. Prepare for my externship

18. Get the munchkin's birthday pictures taken

19. Workout

20. Start preparing for the munchkin's return to school

21. Start cleaning out our closets and drawers

22. Pick up my script

23. Begin filling out my bar application

24. Get me some serious sleep

25. Get motivated

26. Get focused for next week

27. Get focused on my healthy living

28. Plan out my week

29. Get organized

30. Get my shit together

Getting Back On Top Of Things

So much for going to bed early last night, but at least I got some stuff done. Sometimes getting things done becomes necessary over sleep, which totally sucks because I was complete exhausted all day yesterday.

Of course I've repeated the same thing tonight too, but I'm starting to feel like I'm actually digging myself out of the hole I put myself into this past month. I am hopeful that by the end of this weekend I will be back on top of my game. :)

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28

Just getting started: 19, 27, 29, 30

Needs attention: 11, 12, 17, 20, 21

Need To Find My Week Before The Whole Week Is Lost

Apparently having a semi-lost weekend leads into a pretty crappy week. I think I mentioned the last week or so I've had an annoying headache, well yesterday morning that blew up! When I woke up Monday morning my head was hurting, so I reached up and touched my temples and thought I was going to cry while vomiting! I couldn't believe how bad my head hurt just be touching it. I called off work and went back to bed. Now mind you I was actually in the bed by midnight Sunday night so it wasn't an over-tired thing, but I ended up sleeping until after 12:30pm...

When I woke up yesterday I felt better, but definitely 100%. I sort of didn't do much all afternoon even though I thought I would get my ass in gear, get showered, go and workout before I started dinner or studying. Well, I never did get those things done. But I did work up the nerve to send Prof. Tax Guru a request for my midterm grade. I sort of figured that once I saw my crappy grade it would motivate me to study for my final. Hmmm...I got a 53 out of 57. Daym...needless to say I haven't been motivated to study and my final is Thursday. Guess you know what I'll be doing tomorrow night, huh? Opps...

I still had my headache today and I'm really starting to wonder what the hell is causing my headache... I'm going to stop taking my nose spray to see if that is contributing to it. I sure hope it is that and it goes away very soon. I really don't have time to be sidelined with a stubborn headache.

As for my battle of the bulge...this week isn't going so hot. It is so hard to eat healthy and get all of your water in and workout when your head is hurting. All I really want to do is swing by and pick up a good ol' juicy bar cheeseburger with curly fries and some Mexican fried ice cream... But that isn't going to help me with my goal, now is it?

I'm hoping tomorrow is uber productive and that I'm headache free!

On a separate note...I just placed a huge order form Nordstrom's for some professional clothes for my externship. Now I just hope they fit! Ha!!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Just getting started: 6, 8, 21, 22

Needs attention: 12, 13, 14

Do You Know Who You Are Talking To?

A fall extern at the Defender's Office! Woo-hoo!! I'm so excited to say that I called today, finally, left a message and when the big cheese called me back I didn't even have to schedule an interview. He told me that Prof. Arrogance called him about me and he would be happy to have me as an extern this fall! :) Thanks Prof. Arrogance! You rock Mister!

I was going to celebrate my good news with a candy bar (a York Peppermint Patty! Yummy!!) this afternoon. I literally had it in my hand in our little store, but I put it down, grabbed my bottle of water and checked out.

I was in a super good mood even though I had to drag my butt to tax for a "make-up" class! I even completed my assignment that was due back on the 7th. Opps! I get to class and we wait 25 mins before Prof. Tax Guru finally shows up. I was totally ready to book too when he came rushing in, telling us to "quiet down." Dude...where have you been?!?

Of course I got called in during class and I confessed that I had not read Chapter 25. Double Opps! Hey...I'm on Chapter 12! What more does he expect?! After class I had to turn in my assignment late, again. Of course there had to be 7 people around the podium when I did it, so I spit out some excuse about my son's grandma dying of cancer and here it is, blah, blah, blah... I don't know if he blew me off because my other assignment was late or because he had so many people around or what and to be honest, I really didn't care.

It wasn't a total lie...my mom's neighbor who my mom sees as a pseudo-mom-figure and who treats my son as if he is her grandson (hello! she bought him a $100 savings bond for his first communion!) and she is unfortunately dying of cancer. I know...I know...I know...I suck... I just felt like I needed an excuse and the whole 'I hate your class and avoid doing anything in here as if your stupid-ass assignment is the plague!' wasn't going to cut it and this just sort of fell out of my mouth!

If you knew me...the true me...you would know I don't turn assignments in late. It just isn't my style. I'm a slacker in all respects, but to the degree I've became a slacker in this damn class even scares me! I swear this required class is a mental block for me! This is as bad as my SADO class...just in a different way!

But in all seriousness, our Maddie is very sick. She is such a wonderful woman with a wonderful heart. She has been taking chemo for a very, very long time and is just not in a place to admit that she is losing her battle. Her cancer is spreading like wild-fire and instead of enjoying the time she has left with her loved ones, she is still fighting. Every day we hope and pray for the miracle that she wishes for or for God to give her the strength to find peace and enjoy the time she has left here...

Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't get her off my mind today after my mom told me she was back in the hospital this morning, because her lungs continue to fill with fluid on a bi-weekly or maybe it was her thinking of me tonight. I don't know why and there was no plan to use her as a part of my excuse, but when I handed in my assignment her situation just fell out of my mouth. I hope I can be forgiven for using Maddie as my "excuse" and I hope she knows that we love her and hope and pray for her everyday... Hugs Maddie!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27

Just getting started: 11, 28

Needs attention: 14, 15, 17

I Will Not Be Deterred From Trying To Live Healthy!!

Yesterday I snuck on the scale while rushing around to get out of the house and I was down almost 2lbs. This morning...up! This is why I could never ever weigh myself every single day. I would drive myself mad!! The explanations I have for this change in the scale in about 24 hours is: I'm still waiting for MotherNature to arrive (apparently my current norm is every 5-6 weeks instead of every 4!); I ate dinner super late (9:30pm) and had some pretty heavy stuff (spaghetti sauce & garlic bread) and went to bed 2 hours later! There is no way a single w/cheese and a hand-full of onion rings @ Johnny Rocket's, a pack of animal crackers, and my dinner exceeded thousands of calories in one day. The only other thing I had all day was water, diet coke w/lunch and a diet rootbeer later in the afternoon. It is impossible, right?! I have been feeling a little "stopped up" the past couple of days too, so that may be an additional explanation as well.

I refuse to let this little spike deter me from what I feel was a pretty good week for me! I mean it wasn't perfect, but I'm not perfect! I hate fairly healthy this week and didn't eat out too much! Yes, I did eat a lot of salads this week, which were purchased from the greasy spoon in my building, but that consisted of lettuce, chicken breast, feta cheese, a pita, and my fat-free catalina dressing, which I do measure!! I only picked up sausage from burger king for breakfast one day this week, Friday, and had nothing with it! I did not have a single candy bar all week and stayed away from the sugar as well! The fam went out to eat twice this week...dinner on Thursday where I was uber proud of myself and JR's yesterday! In addition to all of that eating out (which apparently was more than I thought, Ha!) I only had my turkey, bacon wrap on Friday for lunch and taco bell for dinner Friday night. Since I don't consider my salads eating out, because my ham for my sandwiches went bad earlier this week I really didn't do that bad. Did I???

Well, I cannot obviously change it and I can't go with yesterday's weigh in because it didn't really count, so here it is...Today's Stats:

Starting weight (7/8/09): 363lbs

Current weight: 322.2lbs

This week's results: +0.2lbs

Total weight lost: -40.8lbs

I feel like the last several days I've been in a pretty good mental space and for me that is over half the battle. I feel like I can conquer so many of the things I have going on in life! So I vow to have another good week this week and we shall wait and see what next week brings me! How are you doing with your goals of healthy living?

Consider it done: 1, 2, 4, 5, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Just getting started: 3, 6, 7, 22, 23

Needs attention: 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

An Early Evening Update

Today is a good day. I feel like I'm making progress, finally! Maybe not as quickly as I would like, but progress none the less. Even though I did determine that I'm 480 pages behind in Tax and have that major paper to work on, I still feel good about things. Maybe it is that frosty I just consumed that has made me have this good feeling, maybe it is because I've accomplished so much and it is only Saturday early evening. Maybe it is because my house is engulfed in the wonderful smell of a new chicken, bean & cheese dish that I look forward to eating a little later. I don't know, I don't care. I'm going to go with the good feeling for now and enjoy it. Now back to Tax...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 14, 18, 23

Just getting started: 9, 11, 20, 21, 24, 25

Needs attention: 10, 12, 15, 16, 17, 19, 22

Hour By Hour

The start of this month I announced a renewal. Thus far I have failed. As I was sitting outside this afternoon I realized I'm going through something, but I don't know exactly what it is. My outlook seems to change hour by hour. One hour I seem to be up and happy, but the next hour I seem to be down and pissed off.

Last night I was sitting here thinking how I've really fallen off the wagon of eating better, working out, taking care of myself. I've started consuming more sugar than I was before. Part of the issue is that my numbers are staying down, but I'm definitely not feeling as great or healthy as I was before. So regardless of my numbers I really think I need to cut the sugar out again. I felt better when I wasn't eating crap. So duh out it should go. Right?

I'm eating like I've never eaten or will never eat again. I did seem to have so much more control over this before. I'm not sure when I fell out of this seat on the wagon, but fall I sure as hell did! For example, today I did really well all day...ate my grapes, ate my turkey breast sandwich, ate my carrots and my animal crackers. I only drank water. I hadn't even thought about dinner until my aunt called and said to pick up Chinese. Okay...I'm totally game for this, but I decided we needed to kick it up a notch. So, we went to the Chinese Buffet for dinner. OMG...I ate like a mad woman! I ate so much that I thought I might be sick before I could drive my ass home! I certainly didn't eat the "good for you" stuff either. I think the only thing that wasn't fried that landed on my plates would be the sweet & sour sauce... I need to get this back on track. Not only for my weight and how I'm feeling, but for my pocket book too. Lets face it eating out costs an arm and a leg...

As for the working out part...I like working out once I'm there. It is just getting there. I had this plan to go to the gym after work every Tuesday & Thursday during the summer semester. Um yeah...I've been there once. I'm like in week #4 of class! Opps. It seems like I always have something that comes up. Always! I know...they are just excuses, but apparently I do excuses very well. This just needs to stop!

I've started oversleeping every single morning like crazy! And I don't mean like by 15 minutes. I mean like I'm getting my ass out of bed when I should be hitting the road. How do I solve this problem? I need to go to bed earlier and stop doing the whole "10 more minutes" thing 9 times!! I just need to get my ass out of the bed and to stop being so damn lazy.

I am behind at school. I don't mean a little behind. I am majorly behind. I have well over 15 chapters to read for Tax. I have questions that I have to answer and turn in. Those were due this past Tuesday. Well...I can't turn them in if I'm not there, correct? I have a 25 page paper that I need to turn in a rough draft in 8 days, which I have barely started!! I've had certain times that I could have worked on some homework, but I've found other things to do during those blocks of time. My favorite non-homework thing to do at that time is take a nap. I'm just so damn exhausted lately. This probably goes back up to paragraph #2...

I know what to do. I know what not to do. I know what I'm doing wrong. I know what I need to do to correct it. I just need to execute it...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 15, 16, 17, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38

Just getting started: 11, 12, 13, 21, 39, 40

Needs attention: 14, 18, 20