What Do You Mean It Isn't Friday!?! Ugh...Are You Sure?

I started this week so strong and so dedicated to doing so well with better eating. Monday went great! Tuesday went well until dinner, but I didn't lose complete control and then had a great workout. Well, great that I got there and actually worked out which I haven't done in forever! Then Wednesday hit...well, lets not relive yesterday! Today I was super strong until 4:30pm. I was working late till 7:30pm and completely and totally exhausted. So what do I do? Where do I turn? The fucking ice-cream!! Blah!!!!

Hopefully tomorrow will be better....I really want to do this. I really do. I'm just super weak. Any tips for getting stronger with this y'all?

I was really hoping to get to the gym tonight after work, but I was so tired I decided to come home instead with the hope of going to bed early. Well, that didn't happen either. I'll be so happy when this week is over. It has felt like a really long week. Of course I'm sure it didn't help that I thought it was Friday all frickin' day. Even after I reminded myself it was only Thursday I would go back to thinking and saying it was Friday. I think my brain took a vacation!!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 12, 15, 17, 18, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28, 29, 32, 33, 35, 36, 37, 38

Just getting started: 7, 13, 14, 21, 27, 39, 40

Needs attention: 8, 9, 16, 20, 30, 31, 34

Mondays Suck

I woke up today with a wicked headache...well, actually it didn't really gear up until after I was in the shower and getting ready for work. Then I ended up with a slight nose bleed. I still managed to go to work and not accomplish much.

After work the munchkin and I headed off to his Den Meeting. Those people (the other parents) are nuts!!! Why can't they be as perfect as I?!? LMFAO My munchkin did great though. Another kid was hitting my munchkin with his hat and my son did nothing other than tell an adult. I was so proud of him. Now don't get me wrong, a part of me wanted my son to turn around and cold-cock this little bastard. But since we no longer live in the world that I grew up in, he did the right thing and I was so crazy proud of him!! :) Way to go munchkin!!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 11, 13, 16, 17, 19, 22

Just getting started: 5, 12, 18, 20, 21, 23, 24

Needs attention: 9, 10, 14, 15

Two is my lucky number today!

I'm closer to my hefty goal of being below 300 by 2 more lbs! Yay me!! I had told myself in the elevator going up to the 25th floor to WWs today that I would not let my weight gain (I was convinced I gained up to 5lbs) derail me from getting back on track! So I have now lost a grand total of 33.6lbs!! I can hardly believe it myself! In order to get to my goal I have to lose another 29.6lbs. I'm quite sure I won't accomplish this by the first of the year, but with each .2lb loss I'm that much closer! I cannot even imagining saying, "I've lost a total of 63.2lbs!" Oh my goodness...just the thought of it makes me feel light-headed and giddy!! I do credit my weight loss this week to my water intake and my ability to stay away from Wendy's and their delicious doubles & singles.

Well, 2 more things off my list of things to do! I registered for classes & filled out my course evals. I was also hoping to move #13 to the accomplished line today since I'm less than a chapter away from finishing my PR homework, but alas...it evaded me today. Tomorrow is another day...

Accomplished: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23, 24, 27, 38, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, & 40

Started: 13 & 15

Left to do: 16, 17, 20, 25, 26, 29, 30, & 31

One of my famous hodge-podge posts...

What a day Monday was. I wore a whole new outfit and felt great in it! I got several compliments on my top and while I was in the elevator I had sinister thoughts about wearing my top as a dress for my man (within the confines of the house, of course) since it was about an inch past my fingertips. I thought...pair it up with my new black boots and woowzers! hehe Then the hammer came crashing down on my feeling great and sexy when I got off the elevator, went and weighed in @ WWs and found out I stayed the same. Ugh...I stayed out of the halloween candy and only ate one tootsie roll Saturday and what do I have to show for that and the hour and fifteen minutes of walking that same night? Nada!!

I tried putting a positive spin on it in my head that at least I didn't gain, right? I know what my problem is. I have a new addiction...a Wendy's Single w/Cheese on the weekends. I need to break that addiction pronto!! I do so great during the week, but the weekend while I'm struggling with my homework and trying to get everything else done that I need to get done I become weak and begin craving Wendy's! I haven't really ate Wendy's in years until here lately. WTF?! Okay...I have to get this under control.

So feeling deflated, I went back to work and tried to get as much done as I could since I have Tuesday off to work on my response motion due Thursday night. That worked fairly well. I have about 4 things on my desk that I really wanted to get done before I left @ 5pm, but I didn't. Well, there is always Wednesday!

I had absolutely no desire to go to class, especially Litigation. I should have listened to my gut and skipped and read for PR instead. The class just felt like a waste. Both MyMormonGirl & I are totally lost in what we did and irritated that we actually went to class. And my thoughts were reaffirmed when I was called on in PR and wasn't prepared. :( I had a horrible feeling all day that I would be called on in PR and it wasn't going to be pretty. My feeling was so strong that I had decided that if I ran in to Prof. D in the halls before class I was going to kill off a family member and ask not to be called on due to that family death...

My gut was correct...I was called on in PR and the look on my face must have told one hell of a story, because Prof. D asks, "ms. j'lynn did you have an opportunity to look at this?" I wasn't sure which way I should play this out and in a split-second I went with honesty and said that no I had not. He didn't say a word, wrote something down and moved on to the next person. I'm 99% sure he wrote down "Nail her ass Wednesday!" So Tuesday @ home is going to be super busy...writing my brief and now reading/catching up for PR!

Before I left work my man called to tell me he was packing up. His security level is being decreased back down to the lowest after that whole episode back in April. This is great!! But it now seems like that means he is leaving where he is and being sent somewhere else, so we will spend the next couple of days waiting and wondering where he will end up. He will know where before I do, but I will know before he calls me...got to love the internet! LOL

My phone rang again around 11pm and it was my man telling me he was told he was headed back down state to where he was the first time I got to visit him after he left county. Of course we have learned a long time ago...until it happens, we don't believe rumors and stories! So instead of being 6 hours away, my man may be only 1 hour away within days. These two calls have left us with conflicting feelings...we loved the psych up where he was and we were both looking forward to him having to do his one last class with her. She was really great and he really liked her and felt comfortable opening up to her! But to be moved much closer is awesome!! It means visits more regularly!!! Of course, that also puts some added pressure on my schedule. I will want to visit more frequently, but my schedule won't allow me to go as much as I would like and that will suck! So like I said...many conflicting emotions about this. Now we just wait and see.

Day One

Well, here it is...day one of the Fall 2009 semester! I hate this every semester. I'm not excited over it. I think I stopped getting excited over starting a new school year when I was a teen!

My 6pm class was canceled and now there appears to be a momentum with the profs for that class to move the start time up to 5:30pm...whatev! Of course my 8pm class is still on and since you get an extra .1 added to your final grad for attending all classes I'm sitting here with about 2 hours to kill!

Of course I have stuff to do...I should be reading for that 8pm class, but I'm not there yet. I need one more week to get my shit together to be ready for class. So instead I'm sitting in an empty room that I found on the second floor, eating grapes, realizing I forgot my peanut butter cup (not Reeses, but a cup of actual peanut butter to go with my sliced apple) in my car, hoping it isn't totally melted in this heat, feeling like I cannot breathe... Why does that happen? In the last 4 years I've became a nervous nelly over everything. Maybe law school does that to you...make you petrified as to what is behind that next corner or through that doorway and make you feel so out of place that you want to scream. Maybe it is just me!

I see these people who look like they have it all together and I feel like when people look at me I've got things falling out of my arms, papers flying every where, too many things to carry, spilling water or pop or whatever everywhere! I sometimes feel like everyone can see right through me and see a flashing neon light screaming, "Hey...if you thought she was wacky before now she is here with diabetes, so it only gets better!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA" I know they cannot see it and I've only told my LSBFF (Law School-BFF) about my diagnosis, but I'm feeling pretty vulnerable today walking these halls, carrying my lunchbox packed with fruit, a ham sandwich and a small bag of measured out doritos! And all I want to do is scarf down some of that bag of candy the rep from Kaplan handed me...I won't though. Well, I don't think I will. There was a Nature's Valley Peanut Butter bar in the bag...if only I could spread it on my apple!

Alright...to calm my nerves I'm going to flip a coin to see if I read for class or if I write my man. Either/or....

One Long Week...

Ever since I returned on Monday, it has been a long week. I've gotten very little sleep and am just totally exhausted. I feel like I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions. My summer technically ends this weekend because I have homework to do already (thank you law professors!) and class starts Monday.

I tend to be pretty anal and try to remain organized, but this whole summer has been total chaos for me. I haven't organized anything...I'm not ready for classes to start or anything. Hell, I don't even think I've completed a batch of laundry in a week yet this summer! Now I have several things that have piled up that I need to deal with and the worst part is that I don't have a motivation or desire to get them all done!

Here are some of the things I need to accomplish this weekend (and Monday):

• Oil change
• Get my hair did (highlights and a cut)
• Buy a new play set for the munchkin
• Get my nails repainted (they are starting to chip from 9 days ago and I want them to match my still beautiful toes for the first week of classes!)
• Facial
• Waxing (my unibrow & hairy lip)
• Grocery shopping
• Picking up the house
• Doing laundry
• Getting my school stuff organized
• Getting the munchkin in the after school program
• Organize munchkin's school stuff
• Go thru my bag of papers/mail because I've been collecting it for almost 2 weeks without going through it
• File all of my papers, which I've neglected since December!
• Put a meal plan together...what I'll eat and when since I'll be gone from the house from 7am thru 11pm several days a week
• Call my doctor's office about that damn bill that I keep getting and my outstanding requests for referrals
• Call my park management (again) about the abandoned property next to me and the window the hooligans opened and crawl through to destroy the home...and my leaking mailbox (ugh!)
• Catch up on my TIVO backlog
• Write my man since I'm about 7 letters/envelopes behind (YIKES! Sorry baby!)
• Get some sleep
• and just basically GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!

Oh yeah...and I need to buy our tickets to the state fair too! I'm tired just looking at this partial "to do" list. Now I'm going to have a bowl of ice cream to help deal with this list! Yes, I know it won't really "help" but I'll feel better and since it is no-sugar-added (i.e. as sugar free as it is gonna get!) I'm still okay with my numbers!

Have a great weekend y'all!

...Sunday is the hardest day of the week

I almost always hate Sundays. They bring sadness almost every week. The only time that they don't is when I have Monday off! LOL Sundays are even worse when I'm back in school because not only does it signify going back to work, but it also signifies going back to class. But the worst Sunday now is the Sunday when I have to say goodbye to my man...

This past Sunday I woke up later than I wanted and I had to make a stop to Walgreens for my allergy pills before I went for my visit, so I rushed and got ready and raced off to breakfast. I ran thru Walgreens to get my pills and then raced to see my guy. I made up enough time that I arrived at the same time I did the morning before. This time I wasn't the first one in. I saw a woman walking across the street and the parking lot making her way in to the prison. I fought hard to make it to the door before she did, but I was about 6 feet behind her. I thought it was still okay, because I would be the 2nd person in. Boy...was I wrong! I was shocked when I walked in to the waiting room and saw 3 other people already in there. I was visitor #5. My anxiety had definitely increased!

Somehow it all worked out because I was the second person called in to the visiting room. We were able to secure seats next to a fan in the back and begin our visit! It was crazy hot again, so hot that the CO finally opened the windows, which are only 1 foot by 2 foot. In the afternoon while we were playing cards my back and legs were starting to cramp up so I moved my chair from being parallel to his chair to almost facing him. In order to accommodate the lack of space my man's left knee was between my two knees. They overlapped by less than 3 inches. There was nothing sexual about it and nothing devious either, but the CO came over and yelled at us to separate and for me to move my chair back to facing her instead of my man. I felt like a schmuck! I was already emotional and this wasn't helping matters... We weren't doing anything wrong! We weren't touching one another in an inappropriate manner, we weren't passing contraband...we were playing uno and I was trying to relieve some of the cramps in my back and legs! Ugh....

I fought back tears the majority of the day and with my guy telling me how he never wants to do anything to ever lose me again was not helping my emotional roller coaster either. But I held it together and when the CO called time at 7:50pm I was proud of myself and wondered if I could make it through our goodbye without tears. When we embraced and kissed, I stopped thinking, hearing, everything except feeling. It was one of those kisses/makeout sessions that always leads to more (wink, wink), so it stirred up so many things inside me. And when it finally ended and we hugged again and my man whispered to me that I had done good and he was so proud of me, the tears started and I couldn't get them to stop...I stole 4 more quick kisses (totally against the rules of one kiss and one hug at the start of a visit and one each at the end of the visit) and made my way to the door. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to turn around and wave goodbye to my man before I walked through the second set of doors. It was so bad that when I had to show my hand to the CO in the control room and hand him my paper to be scanned I choked out a "thank you" to him on a bunch more tears.

I didn't want to walk through the next set of doors without seeing my guy, so I mentally gave myself a slap in the face, pulled it together and turned around to mouth, "I love you" and blow him a kiss and give him a wave bye before I walked through that second set of doors. Like I said, Sunday is the hardest day of the week!

Just one more thing

That appeared to my mantra at work today!

I worked 10 hours today so I was very glad that I took lunch with my co-worker and had my delicious Turkey & Bacon wrap. This wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have opened my inter-office mail this afternoon and found 6+ new files. Then the kicker came when I had to turn in my mid-year numbers to my boss and we were both shocked that I had handled almost 200 files in the last 7.5 months. Of course I'm sure that I will top 350 before the end of the year. Watch out PIPs...I expect great marks at the end of the year! And as I got ready to leave at 7pm, I emailed my co-worker and said I predict that I'm going to need another lunch tomorrow! ;)

I was also so proud of myself because I am a very picky eater, which is probably hard for people to understand when they see me or hear how much I weigh, but I am very picky. Of course my picky eating is always for the wrong stuff. For example, the fruits that I like are bananas, apples and grapes. I do not really broaden my horizons when it comes to stuff like that, but between breakfast and lunch I was hungry, so I went downstairs to our little cafe and I opted for a banana and a fruit bowl, which had 2 different kinds of melon in it, strawberries, pineapple pieces and grapes. I originally thought that I would just eat the grapes, but I forced myself to eat all of it and I was proud of myself! More steps like this the better my life becomes. Baby steps...

All of my new meds seem to be working well, so I'm happy with that! The munchkin is feeling better too. It appears that we are both on the long road to recovery.

I find it funny (not ha-ha funny, but ironic funny) because Mother's Day weekend at the Lady of Hog's Ladies Night I saw a tarot card reader who told me that I was going to have a rough year through September with my health, but that on the other side of that I would come out better than I started. I thought it was crazy then, but as I get closer to September I think of her often and pray she was right about the other side of September! Everything else she said...I hope to God she was wrong, because I will be sad...but as always, I will survive!

Sweet dreams to everyone out there as I close the book on another longest day of the week!

Returning After a Holiday Weekend

Back to the grind today! I love my three day weekends, well actually this one was a 4 day weekend. But I hate coming back to work from it. I think I was made to not work but my bill collectors disagree.

Of course it would really help if we weren't so damn busy at work these days. I'm not sure why, but we are just getting slammed every single day. Of course it doesn't help that I'm needing to miss some work for all of my medical issues...that just makes it busier for me. :(

Who else feels like once the 4th passes summer is almost over. :( I have less than 7 weeks before I'm back to school. Yikes!! This summer is just flying by.

An In-Box Does Have a Purpose, Really.

Today was the longest day of the week...  OMG!  When you are away from work for 2 weeks, staying up late, sleeping in you do not want to go back to work, especially if you stay up until 2:30am the night before the day you return.  I did not want to get up this morning at all!  But I did...got ready, didn't get to eat breakfast, and ran out the door.  

When I got to work and walked in my office I knew it wasn't going to be a happy day.  Everyone I work with knows that I'm particular about my office.  I have an in-box for a reason, so lets use it people!  I walk in and there are new files spread out on my desk.  Yes, it was in an orderly fashion but there wasn't a reason for it.  Then when I pulled out my chair there were other new files on there.  If you want to bring something to my attention, don't put it on my chair, because I will either sit on it or pick it up and throw it to the side, because now I'm not happy.  What is the point of having an in-box if you aren't going to use it?  It isn't for in-coming mail only or else I would have called it a mailbox not an in-box...

So I was instantly irritated and it just went down hill from there.  There were stupid calls, stupid requests, and stupid questions.  By the time noon came around I was ready to come back home.  Finally at 1pm I was starving because I still hadn't ate yet today, so I ordered a horrible sandwich from Jimmy John's.  It was yummy, but horrible for me. So much for getting on track with WWs today, but tomorrow is a new day.  By the time the day came to an end, I was exhausted.  

The munchkin had his May Crowning tonight for religious class, but I was unable to attend.  I left work late and when I got home my stomach wasn't feeling all that great and I didn't have enough time to settle it to go, so my aunt went with the munchkin.  :)  I relaxed for the rest of the night, went thru some papers and am trying to get organized a bit.  

Now it is off to bed so I can get up and hopefully have a better day tomorrow at work.  I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow, good luck!  ;)

Mother's Day Coming to an End

What a beautiful Mother's Day. :) I started the day by going to Mother's Day mass with my two aunts to watch and listen to my munchkin who did a beautiful job in the first reading. Way to go my munchkin. :) I'm just so proud of you and even though you told me when you went to bed that you love me more than I love you, I hate to tell you my son, you are wrong! I love you more than life itself and you make me so proud to be your mommy!! Thank you for being my son!

From church we went to lunch. We went to one restaurant and we weren't feeling it so we left there and went Mexican instead. It was delicious and I love me some Mexican! ;) Then we had to go to Game Stop to get the munchkin a new game (because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be a mom!) and then on to home. After that we just kind of sat around, he played his game, I watched some TV and after my aunt went home I took a little nap on the couch and then we grabbed a little KFC (their grilled chicken is yummy!) for dinner.

Mother's Day is wrapping up, but yet again it was another fabo one!! Thank you baby!

PS: Back to work tomorrow! Yikes! After 2 weeks off, it is hard to get back in the groove and I fear tomorrow is going to be one of the longest days of the week to come!

Longest Day of The Week

So obviously it is another Monday.  It is my longest day of the week!  I'm glad it is over.  I spent three days at home over the weekend doing homework...reading and writing a paper!  Glad that is over and done with!  But now I move on to mid-terms this week.  UGH...thank god it appears they are all take homes!  Sounds like another tight and tiring week....

Hope you had a great weekend and a good Monday.  4 more days & a wake up....  ;)

Opps...before I forget:

Breakfast:  2 eggs, slice of toast

Snack:  pretzels

Lunch:  grilled chicken greek salad

Snack:  pretzels, diet sunkist, fruit snacks

Dinner:  beef stew

Snack:  small shamrock shake, cheeseburger, sweet tea

I did get all 64ozs of my water in today.  I need to pack my bag to workout tomorrow too!  :)