Against My Religion

Getting out of my PJ's, leaving my house, and doing anything real stressful on Sundays is against my religion and today I was required to go against my religious belief and actually get up early, take a shower, get dressed, drive for over an hour one way to complete day #2 of PMBR. It totally sucked and so did my practice test score.

By having to do this today I will be totally screwed up all week as to what day it actually is. Combine that with the fact that Christmas Eve is Friday and I'll be lucky if I keep it together this week...

Consider it done: 1, 20

Just getting started: 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 18, 28, 30, 33, 36, 37, 41, 42

Needs attention: 3, 4, 9, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 31, 32, 34, 35, 38, 39, 40

9/11~~Never Forget

Today is the 9th anniversary of 9/11. In between doing errands and fun things with my munchkin I've battled back tears on several occasions. I remember that fateful day 9 years ago like it was yesterday. My heart just breaks every time I think about it and all the great people lost and hurt that day as a result of such a cowardly act. I pray for everyone as nine years ago all of our lives changed forever...

If I had my way today I would have stayed in, glued to the TV watching tributes and memorials, but I couldn't. I had things to do and I guess the biggest "in your face" thing we can do to show the terrorists and al-Qaeda that they did not break us is to continue living our lives, changed but still free. And that is what we did today!

Today the munchkin had to get his soccer pictures taken and from there we went to our church's festival. It rained the entire time we were there, but that didn't stop us from eating (like crazy), playing games and buying books! We probably would have stayed longer, but since it had been pouring for the 2 hours we were there we called it a day.

Of course before we headed up to get the munchkin's pictures taken I had to go to my bakery and bitch about the cakes I bought last week. I've purchased tons of cakes from them and this was the worst cake ever. I was not happy, especially since it cost me $50!

Looks pretty, doesn't it?

Apparently the cake baked uneven and whoever was tasked with decorating it just tried to cover up the mistake!

I like frosting with the rest of the world. It is some yummy stuff, but this was crazy. Especially on a frickin' carrot cake. They graciously gave me store credit for $50. Needless to say the munchkin's 9th B-day cake already has a down payment made on it. ;) I'm hoping now my cake-tastrophy is finally over!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 16, 18, 22, 23, 25

Just getting started: 6, 8, 26, 27

Needs attention: 4, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 21, 24, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

Just A Little Delay

Today I hoped to start my externship. Miami Vice told me to call the week before I wanted to start. I called last Thursday, but it appears he may be on vacation. It was a little confusing, because his voice mail said he was going to be on vacation from "July 19-July 23"...did he mean August? Did he just forget to change his voice mail from last month? I don't know. I left him a voice mail, but didn't hear back from him.

After Mother Nature kicked the door done starting this weekend I was sort of glad that I didn't hear back from him. Nothing like starting a nerve racking situation in the midst of a personal visit from Niagara Falls. If I don't hear back from him by late tomorrow morning I'll call again and see if I can start next Monday. God works in mysterious ways...

I did start my last semester in law school tonight. Two bar review classes... I already took a test for the MultiState portion of the bar. I got 11 out of 32. Opps!! I felt like an idiot while I was taking it in class. Some of the terms looked familiar, but as for what they mean...no clue here! Guess I have lots of studying to do in the next 6 months.

Also, I have confirmed with a power-that-be that no one failed the Tax class. Our grades have not been released yet, but I have stopped worrying about having to fit that class into my crazy schedule if I failed it. Hopefully I was told the truth and hopefully I will be able to verify this information very soon!!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 13, 14, 15, 23, 24

Just getting started: 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Needs attention: 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22

Munchkin's First Communion

So today was the munchkin's first communion and he did wonderful!! :) He looked so handsome in his black suit. His reading went very well. He stumbled once, but he over came it like a pro and finished beautifully! I was so damn proud of my son! A few times I teared up, but I was able to keep it under control and reel those tears back in before they fell.

I was happy to see my parents when they arrived, along with my two aunts and my uncle. I was thinking my day was turning around after my hideous weigh-in this morning. That was until my camera flashed low battery before the kids were even in their seats. I got the bright idea of going over to my mom and steal her batteries as I saw her with her camera just minutes before. I was surprised when I got to where they were sitting and they were gone. I asked a friend of ours who was in the seat next to them where my parents were and I was shocked when she said, "Oh, they left." WHAT?!? Needless to say I was beyond pissed and more than a little hurt.

I held it together throughout the ceremony and just focused on the munchkin again and my dying camera. After mass ended and pictures in the grotto were done, we headed over to the church hall for their cake and punch. Talk about feeling alone as I sat at a huge table with just my munchkin (my aunt had to help serve the cake as she is the assistant teacher for their class), looking around at the tables full of families celebrating their child's first communion. Tables with parents, Godparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers surrounding their first communicant. I was very sad and felt very alone at that moment. I felt very sorry for my munchkin that he didn't have more of his family around him to celebrate, because his family, my family, is too selfish to look beyond their issues to celebrate with their grandson and nephew. I will not forgive nor will I forget what my parents pulled today or the fact that my bro & his family didn't show up to witness such a huge moment in my son's life... I pity them for being assholes.

After the cake and punch, my aunt took my munchkin to her house as I ran home to get my sloppy joes and other items that I needed to take to the munchkin's party. The assholes showed up for the party. My parents acted like nothing happened and like they didn't bail from their grandson's first communion mass. My bro acted like a stuck-up ass refusing to speak to me or my munchkin. Then he and his wife decided that they no longer eat sloppy joes or corn on the cob or tossed salad and therefore their kids didn't eat. Whatev! Apparently I was raised different, because I was always raised to take a little something and not to be rude to the host by telling them 'oh I don't eat that.' Don't worry bro...when you are paying $12/plate for my meal at your fake wedding I will make sure that "I don't eat that" and to drink plenty of booze. Pay back is a bitch y'all!

Can you tell that I'm not feeling the love for my family today?

But baby, I was so proud of you! I love you! Congratulations on your 1st Communion Munchkin! :)

Consider it done: 1, 2, 10, 11, 12, 13

Just getting started: 3, 4, 5, 6

Needs attention: 7, 8, 9, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

One Party Down, One To Go

So Saturday night was the parents' 25th Wedding Anniversary party. It went better than I expected. I always expect the worst when it comes to family events. Things were definitely strained between the bro & I, but that is nothing new. I don't know if we will ever get past that and I know there is no hope of me getting past my issues until after his fake wedding, so no need to worry about it now as we have another 5 weeks before that is over. So lets move on...

Everyone seemed to have a good time. Hell, I even danced (once)! My hair guy showed up as he and the salon owner were both invited, but the owner wasn't feeling well so he could not make it. I hope he starts feeling better soon! :) But my hair guy (who out did himself with my hair) commented on my makeup telling me he noticed me as soon as he walked into the hall from across the room, because my makeup just "popped"! He loved it! hehehe I did try something new and took my eyes much darker with some new deep green colors. I guess I found my "Saturday night make-up" versus my work makeup since all the fashion posts of the last couple of weeks said it should be different! LOL Heck, I even wore lipstick! This is a huge shocker for me. I haven't worn lipstick since high school with the exception of my wedding almost 10 years ago...

Actually I've been doing a few things lately that I haven't done in 10 years or longer, for instance wearing flip-flops! Yikes! I must really be having a crisis. LOL But I digress...

Of course we didn't leave until almost 10:30pm, which was 1.5-2 hours later than planned. That meant the munchkin didn't get to bed until almost midnight and I didn't get the sloppy joes for his party done until after 1am. Now I'm off to bed so I can get up extra early so we can do the first communion thing tomorrow and then I can get home after that party and get some things on my list done, because as you can tell I haven't had a chance to get much done this weekend other than pampering and partying...

Consider it done: 1*, 2, 10, 11, 12

Just getting started: 3, 4, 5

Needs attention: 6, 7, 8, 9, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

Reflecting on Good Friday

So yesterday was the big day for me. Every Lent I refrain from eating meat on Fridays and the holy grail, so to speak, for me is Good Friday. By now I will have battled "the devil" (a/k/a my cravings for meat) for several weeks on Fridays and not ate any meat. Of course the last several years, I've been very successful with this until Good Friday! It usually seems like I falter come Good Friday. I don't know why...my Nana would always tell me it was because by that day the devil had won! They she would laugh!! I will usually pick something up or go out and order a meal and after taking a bite or half-way through my meal it will dawn on me that it was Good Friday and I "sinned" on the biggest day of all the Fridays cumulative! Go figure!

This year I succeeded and survived without sin on Good Friday. Boy oh boy was it hard yesterday! Especially while sitting at Denny's for hours waiting to go and see my guy, reading Estates & Trusts (of course!), listening to everyone and their brother ordering burgers, wings and steaks. Especially when they would go on and on raving about how great their meat looked and tasted. Thank you non-Catholics and sinners!! Damned be your souls...* But I did it...this year, I did not commit the cardinal sin of consuming meat on Good Friday!**

So yesterday I entered the day with a plan. The plan was to leave work at noon, drive out to where my guy is, sit at Denny's, grab lunch, do some homework, and go in for our visit at 5:00pm instead of the earliest time I could visit, which is for 3:30pm. We suspected that the visiting room would be packed and there was a chance to be terminated early from our visit, so we went with the later time, after his count, so I could stay there until they threw me out at the end of visiting hours. Everything went well with this part of my plan. What I didn't plan for was to walk in the waiting room at quarter to 5 and see a thousand people there! Okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit but there had to have been almost 50 people in the waiting room to go back and visit their loved ones. I later determined that some people had been waiting for up to two hours! I did not get back in the visiting room until 6:30pm! It was crazy!! But hey...I got to see my guy for 2 hours, so it was worth it.*** Then my plan continued with going grocery shopping after my visit, which is my standard Friday night fare.

I also planned today to accomplish two major things in addition to everything else I have to do. Goal #1: Not to leave my house today. Goal #2: To sleep in until I woke up, as in no alarm, no need to be anywhere, nothing other than my body said 'Time to get your butt out of bed!' Well, both of these goals I have failed!

Goal #1: When I discovered that the meat market wasn't going to be open on Easter I had thought I would just go during the week so I didn't have to leave the house Saturday! Ha! They tried to get me out of the house, but I've got "them" beat...I can figure out other ways to get my meat.**** I had even decided I would put off my need for ink and paper to later in the week or see if Staples was open Sunday when I trekked out for my family dinner! However, I did not plan on both Meijers & Wal-Marts not having any dinner rolls Friday night at 10pm. I further did not plan on the worker at Wal-Marts telling me that the rolls would not be in until 5am on Saturday! Ugh!! So needless to say, I will be leaving the house for rolls, ink, paper & of course, some meat!

Goal #2: In an effort to work on #27 from here, I thought I had covered all of my bases to prevent from being awakened by outside interruptions this morning. Well...apparently I failed to change my crackberry to only ring with phone calls when I made my way to bed last night at about 2:15am. I only discovered this when some stupid email coming in a few hours later woke me up. I refused to comply with this little interruption. I adjusted my ringer, rolled over and went back to sleep. Now mind you, my guy was already well aware of the fact that I wanted to sleep in and expected him not to call me at 8:30am unless it was an emergency! My munchkin was with my aunt and they know better than to call me early unless there is an emergency. Well apparently the munchkin's CubScout leader doesn't know better! At 10:16am, my phone rang and woke me up. She was calling to tell me not to bring the munchkin over to Lowe's to sell Scout-A-Rama tickets at 11:00am, because our pack was "screwed-over yet again!" In case you didn't know, there is a lot of drama with regards to Cub & Boy Scouts. The store had booked two competing troops to sell tickets this morning and the woman who was suppose to bring the tickets to the Scout Leader to sell never showed up! Of course!! So after her call I had to wake up enough to call my aunt and tell them "no go" for Lowe's! And it appeared "no go" for Goal #2 for me!

I ask again...Why do I even attempt to plan things?!?

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 18, 23, 24

Just getting started: 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12*****, 17, 27

Needs attention: 10, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30

*~~I kid y'all! ;) I love all sorts of non-Catholics & sinners! I would never damn anyone's soul...okay barely anyone!

**~~I do not count the lunchable containing ham that I ate at 2:30am Thursday night, because in j'lynn's world that was still my Thursday!!

***~~The things we do for love...

****~~Hmmm...my life seems to be revolving around meat. What's up with that?!?

*****~~You may be asking how I could be "just getting started" with picking up my car from the garage without it being done! Well, let me tell you...I paid for it yesterday, I confirmed it would be ready to pick up this weekend. Now I just need to go and pick it up! But since I have the opportunity to put miles on someone else's car, I'm going to use it (for free) for as long as I can. I will be picking my baby up after tomorrow's Easter dinner when I'm in town!

Nothing Like A Lil' Spaghetti Sauce In Your Eye

After attending the munchkin's commitment mass and potluck this morning I headed over to the Hallmark store. I found much cheaper invitations and even found the thank you notes I wanted. In addition, I found the Precious Moments: Do this in Memory of Me-Boy figurine (http://www.preciousmoments.com/content.cfm/product/Do-This-In-Memory-Of-M-Boy). I was happy that it matched the thank you notes I bought! But I couldn't find matching invitations, so I picked a different invitation and called it good enough! From there I went to Wal-Green's to submit all of our pics to be developed. After looking over the 300+ pictures on mine and my aunt's memory cards, I headed to Wendy's for my large diet coke and booked it on home.

Knowing I'm running behind on time this weekend I tossed in a load of laundry, responded to a couple of emails and decided to throw dinner on the stove. While starting to fry up the two pounds of hamburger and getting the water over to boil our noodles, I started pouring my two jars of spaghetti sauce into a pan. That's when it hit me...a big ol' blob of spaghetti sauce splashed out of the pan and splashed right into my eye. Seriously?!? Wasn't trying to start myself on fire, being critiqued by a homeless man on my dirty car, doing homework for hours on end this week, and trying to cut off the tip of my middle finger while making breakfast yesterday enough?!? Seriously?!? We had to toss spaghetti sauce in my eye too?!? Come on already!!

Hoping I was done with the crazy mishaps, I finished getting everything together on the stove for dinner, so I began wiping down what I could on the stove before I left the water to come to a boil and the sauce simmering. Let me interject here for a moment and tell you I have a gas stove, which has black grates on it. In my ever wise attempt to wipe up the left side of the stove where I just finished frying the hamburger up I proceeded to grab the grate and lift it up to wipe underneath. Did I spill something? No. Instead I tried to brand the grate print into my finger and thumb, because apparently my mind forgot that those are metal and even though the flame is no longer on the metal retains the heat from the gas flame. I quit! I will say it, I'm yelling from the rooftops, "UNCLE!!!" I need no more crazy mishaps!

In other news around town, Wal-Green's called and apparently my 716 prints over taxed their machine as it went down. They've called a tech out, but my prints won't be ready until tomorrow night. Fine by me! :) I hadn't intended to go and pick them up today anyways. Also, I bit the bullet and weighed in this morning right after I showered and got dressed. I'm on the cusp of making my goal. I weighed in at exactly 320lbs. No .2 no nothing...320.0lbs exact. So, as God is my witness, I will bust out of this mental block by next week's weigh-in. So my stats for now are:

Starting weight (7/8/09): 363.0lbs

Current weight (today): 320.0lbs

Total weight lost: 43.0lbs

Not bad...could be, should be better, but it is what it is and I'm happy with that! I didn't make my goal, but whatev... I still lost 1lb this week and that is better than good!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, 28

Just getting started: 5, 7, 8, 9, 14, 15, 21, 24

Needs attention: 17, 18

Just Another Saturday

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 10, 11, 12, 13, 19, 20, 23*, 25**, 26, 27, 28

Just getting started: 5, 7, 8, 9, 21***, 22****

Needs attention: 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 24

*~~I'm very nervous about tomorrow's weigh-in and making my goal. Since Thursday's dinner I have ate fast food. WTF?!? Thursday night was taco bell, Friday morning was McDonald's, Friday lunch was the greasy spoon in our building, Friday night was McDonald's again...ugh. Nothing like a little nervousness to get you motivated again!!

**~~I love NyQuil! That is the best sleep ever! I'm not sure if I've got the starting of a sinus infection but I wasn't feeling on top last night, so at 1:30am I opted to take a shot of NyQuil. Seven hours later I woke up to use the ladies room and then slept for an additional 3 hours after that. I still don't feel 100%, but I did feel better than I did last night and definitely more rested!!

***~~Hours and hours and hours I've spent looking on-line for ideas, scouring blogs and websites for recipes that would pop something different and final into my head. Thus far I've came down to this as a menu: ham, sloppy joes, hashbrown bake, deviled eggs, salad, rolls & butter. Of course there will be a cake too. I just feel like there is something missing or off about this list so far. Any advice, suggestions, ideas, or critiques would be deeply appreciated!

****~~After looking at the prices places want for invitations, I've pretty well decided we will likely make our own. Of course that is more work...go figure. My last option is to run by Hallmark's in the next day or so and see what they have to offer. This is turning into way more work than I anticipated.

Fearing His First Confession

Just like my Friday posts, my Friday night has became pretty predictable. I leave work, make the hour plus trip to spend time with my guy, and then head to the grocery store to do the majority of my weekly shopping. Last night I went about my typical Friday night, with the exception of getting off work early to return the page I "borrowed", but when I pulled into the Meijer's parking lot my cell phone rang. It was my aunt telling me that there was something seriously wrong with my TV...it wasn't working! I had been fearing for several days that my TV was taking a puke. So much so, I even commented about it over here! Of course this totally threw my exhausted brain into a frenzy, which lead to me going into the store without my reusable shopping bags*.

Upon leaving the grocery store, I decided to just run over to Wendy's for dinner as I was too tired and frustrated to even think about cooking something without meat when I would get home around 10:30pm. I got home, put away the perishables, verified that my TV wasn't working, shut off the power to my whole entertainment system for 30 seconds and then powered it back up. My TV seemed to be working or at least I had a picture while my Direct TV was repowering up. Hoping that I wouldn't be TV-less until I could get around to buying a new TV, I sat down to eat my dinner. I immediately discovered that McDonald's rules when it comes to fast-food fish sandwiches and after two horrible bites, I tossed my dinner out. My TV was back in business by then and I started to consider that it may be my satellite receiver taking a puke instead, so I called and arranged for a technician to come out next Saturday between the hours of 8am-12pm (there goes another Saturday of sleeping in!).

While playing Direct TV's little game of 'Did you do this? How about this? Is it working now?' my mom called, so I returned her call after I hung up with Direct TV. I also ordered "Julia & Julie" as my free movie for the month of February just in case my receiver gives out completely this week! As it was slated to start at 11pm and I was returning my mom's call at 11:10pm I figured I would start watching it within that half-hour so I could get to bed at an okay time to be up early for the munchkin's First Confession. Ha! An hour and a half later I hung up from my mom and began to watch the movie, which was pretty cute in my sleep deprived opinion.

I made my way to bed last night at 3:00am. So much for getting to bed at an okay time and being able to get up early to get some stuff done before I met my aunt and the munchkin at church. I still had high hopes so while I was trying to pack my stuff up to take care of while I was in town this morning my cell phone rang and it was my munchkin. He was crying and in a complete and total mental meltdown over going for his First Confession. He was scared to death!! I totally didn't expect this from him and it threw me for a loop! Even when I meet them at the church his eyes were still red and puffy from crying. I felt so bad for him! It appears he was not alone in his feelings as a classmate of his came in several minutes later and she was still crying, because she was so scared. I felt so bad for these little 7 & 8 year-olds who were so scared of making one of their sacraments. :( Fr. Bill was awesome with them, as usual, and seemed to calm most of their fears before he began hearing everyone's confession.

After the munchkin survived his First Confession it was time to meet up with the other aunt and uncle and grab lunch @ BW3's. Then I gave the munchkin his "present"/"reward"/"bribery money" when we left the restaurant for completing his First Confession. Then I was able to do some of my errands, come home and realize that the few hours of sleep I got last night was not nearly enough. So I'm off to take a nap and accomplish #31 on my to-do list!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 12, 13, 14, 15, 21, 23, 26, 27, 28

Just getting started: 6**, 8, 9, 10, 11, 20***, 22

Needs attention: 7, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22, 24, 25, 29, 30, 31, 32

*~~today is not the day that Al Gore would be proud of me since I didn't even want to consider running back out to the car to get them!

**~~all I have left to pick up is bubble bath for the munchkin!

***~~apparently this can only be accomplished Monday-Friday 8a-8p. Too bad I didn't know this before! Guess I'll be completing this one Monday night after work, but before the gym. I don't understand why departments cannot be open on Saturday! I'm not saying all day, but hey...maybe 4 hours!

...and unto dust you shall return.

This may be what you hear today should you go to mass and partake in Ash Wednesday services. I have not done this to date, but I do reflect on what today means. It is to be a day where Roman Catholics (and others, I'm sure) fast, abstain from meat and contemplate one's transgressions. It is also to be used as a day of repentance.

You don't need to be Catholic in order to partake in today. I like to consider it more as a day of reflection than anything else. I hope to be able to take time today to reflect on my life, my challenges, my rights, my wrongs and look inside myself to find ways to overcome the challenges I still face.

Usually I take a more light-hearted approach to today, but I guess I cannot relive my famous Ash Wednesday story since I posted it here last year. But it will be on my mind as I go about my business today and every time I think of it, I will catch myself smiling! I don't think I will be able to top that one!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15, 18, 20

Just getting started: 8, 14, 16, 17, 19

Needs attention: 7*, 11

*~~thinking about the fact that my draft of my statement of facts is due today @ 5pm, does that count to move this one up to the next list level?!? ;)

Happy Mardis Gras 2010!!!

Well, it is here! Fat Tuesday, Baby!!

My goal this year is to not eat a paczki at work today! It will be hard, trust me! I'm hopeful that all of the good ones are gone by the time I start feeling weak! LOL

Of course today leads to tomorrow...Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Which leads to the next question, "What are you giving up or taking on for Lent this year?" This usually is a pretty big conundrum for me. I like to hear what other people have decided to do for Lent and then weigh my options. ;) I also usually opt to take an easy choice and usually fail at that as well.

This year I'm going to attempt to give something up and take something on! I'm going double barrel this year y'all! LOL For Lent I'm going to try and give up swearing. I have noticed that my mouth has gotten worse here of late and I thought this would be quite a challenge for me! What the fuck have I got to lose?! Hey, I've got to get it all out in the next 24 hours!! As for what I'm going to take on...the gym! I've been doing fairly well with going Monday nights after work, but then that is it. I'm going to attempt to take on the gym on both Saturday and Sunday too! I figure I'll need the extra stress relief come Saturday and Sunday for my pent up hostility that I'm unable to release with tirades of colorful swear words.

Your turn...what are you giving up or taking on for Lent this year?*

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15, 18, 20

Just getting started: 8, 14, 16, 17, 19

Needs attention: 7, 11

*~~I wonder if Dani is gonna change it up this year...LOL Inquisitive minds want to know! ;)

Mental Block~~The 20's

I knew it wasn't going to be good. I told myself I would be okay even if it went up by 5lbs. Yes, I lie to myself often! I hopped on the scale this morning and it read 322.6. I gained 1.4lbs this week. Ugh! It wasn't okay with me. I'm not okay with it. I do not accept the gain of 1.4lbs!!

I swear I ate everything in sight this week. I had tons of snack-cakes, which not only are horrible for my weight, but also horrible for my sugar. I never felt full all week...well, except after I skipped E&T Thursday night and we went to Logan's Roadhouse for dinner. OMG, I thought I was going to be sick when we left there. I didn't even eat all of my steak, but I munched on appetizers (chicken tenders, onion chips, & mushrooms), ate a salad with ranch dressing, had a loaded baked potato, most of my steak and gorged myself on their rolls and butter. Even while I was stuffing the rolls into my chubby little face they weren't tasting as good as I remembered, but I still stuffed, stuffed, and stuffed some more until I was miserable on the drive home. I felt so awful I had to take a gas pill to aid in the digestion process!

I think I know partially where I went wrong...two areas really. The first being that I didn't cook last weekend. I've been really trying to cook something that I like on the weekend so we have some left overs and I don't seek out other tasty food. I failed at this last weekend. The second area was that first snack cake. Once I have one I cannot stop myself. I lose total control. So last night, knowing today was not going to be pretty, I finished the snack cakes so they are no longer around.

I think I have a mental block with the 20's. I remember many, many years ago when I was a hundred pounds lighter than I am now I couldn't get out of the 220's. Now I'm in the same spot, but this time a hundred pounds heavier. So I swear to myself that I will get out of the 320's and it will happen very, very soon. I will not let this deter my ultimate goal. My new mini-goal is to be below 320lbs in the next 3 weeks! Damn it to hell!!

Another contributor to my gain this week, albeit minor, I got no exercise this week. I didn't make the gym Monday night because it was parent's night at CCD. I felt out of sorts all week and just felt lazy and icky about myself or about my progress or something...I just don't know what though. So...I ate crap almost all week. Hell, I barely consumed my water. I skipped some classes, took a snow day from work and accomplished nothing productive. Well, this shit is gonna change this week!

After my man woke me up at 8:40am this morning to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day (God, do I love that man~~he is so sweet!), I got out of the bed, did my weigh in, washed the grapes I picked up Friday night grocery shopping, made myself a western-style omelette with egg-beaters, and then started my dinner, sloppy joes in the crock-pot! It isn't the healthiest dinner, but it is tasty. I actually used my ex-mother-in-law's recipe and put extra green peppers and onions in it.

For the munchkin I made him chocolate cupcakes. I even used the ol' tried and true WWs cake recipe! This way if I do find myself tempted it won't be as horrible as the real deal. Plus, I've yet to find a single person who can tell the difference in a WWs cake and a regular cake! I haven't decided if I'm going to decorate them in white with red sprinkles or in red. Maybe a little of both...

So, #15...consider yourself checked & done! And as for you...#'s 14, 17 & 19, I've got you started and I'm about to check you too!

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12, 13, 15, 18, 20

Just getting started: 8, 14, 16, 17, 19

Needs attention: 7, 11

Bad Gift Choice if You Ask Me

I know I've been pretty bitchy lately...aunt flo popped in late Sunday night, finally. On top of that Sunday my aunt followed-up an email I sent to family and friends giving them significant dates for the munchkin in the coming months. He is a very busy boy making his first confession, his awards banquet for boy scouts, making his first communion, a piggy opera at school, and the pine wood derby. After talking to my mom and bringing my aunt into the fold, a decision was made to have a little party after the munchkin's first communion at my aunt's home. Her follow-up email was announcing the party. I didn't want to announce it yet.

On top of that, my aunt announces to me Monday night how she planned on getting the munchkin a Wii for his first communion. Are you frickin' kidding me?!? This is what I wanted to get him from Santa this last Christmas and kind of assumed I would get it this coming Christmas since I couldn't afford it this past one. Now she is talking about giving it to him for his first communion. I know my reaction wasn't nice when I said, "I guess I'll be buying him a car next Christmas instead." Then at some point I added, "That's an awfully big gift for a first communion." Of course, her being a catholic nun and all, she responded with "A first communion is an awfully big thing." Okay...I get that, but I just think a Wii is an inappropriate gift for a first communion, plus it screws with my plans for the remainder of the things I need to buy gifts for the munchkin this year. I figured she would be buying him a nice bible or something like that...

You would think my family would know by now that I'm a controlling bitch and that they need to run such things by me, because when they make their own decisions that affect me it never ends well...

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17

Just getting started: 5, 6, 7, 16, 18

Stupid Sausage

So the last few weeks I've been striving to cook more at home. So usually when I set out on shopping I try to come up with something I can make over the weekend that will have a few meals of leftovers to eat during the week. I also try and come up with something that I can put in the crock pot Monday morning to help my aunt out since she has to work all day, feed the munchkin and take him to religion class for 6:30pm. It makes for a pretty tight schedule.

So this past Sunday I made a chicken pot-pie. I usually make a turkey pot-pie after Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well, the holidays weren't totally kind to us with regards to being able to use the left over Turkey as I dreamed about. Also, I had picked up some Phyllo dough to use when I finally got around to making my pot-pie. Who knew Phyllo dough was so tough to work with and so darn time consuming? Well, I accomplished my pot-pie and it was uber delicious! Yay me! I had also picked up some (skinless) polish sausage and sauerkraut to stick in the crock pot for Monday. It was yummy and my aunt even left a note that night saying "Great Supper! Yummy!"

After going to the gym Monday night I ate the sausage (no sauerkraut for me, thank you!) for dinner. Last night in class I didn't get to eat my sandwich or my carrots or my apple, so I decided to eat some more of the sausage for dinner since I offered up the remaining left overs of my chicken pot-pie to my aunt to take to work with her for today's lunch. Well, this was a mistake! I woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache and feeling just lousy. I was so nauseous I knew there was no way I was going to be able to make it to work and actually be okay. I felt so bad that I even had a bit of the shakes and felt chilled to the bone. So I decided to call-in.

I now think it wasn't just the stupid sausage at work, but the fact that I cursed myself last night! I had just said to my aunt last night while devouring my dinner, "Can you believe it is 26 days into the new year and I haven't even called in sick to work once!?" We reflected back onto the beginning of 2009 when I seemed to be calling into work about once a week because I felt horrible. I didn't know at the time, it was because of my impending diagnosis of diabetes that probably led to my feeling like shit for the first six months of 2009 and averaging missing a day of work a week.

So after doing this reflecting last night, I made a little goal in my head of trying to see how long I could go into the new year before I needed to take a day off for either being ill or because of needing to finish something for school...who knew that in less than 18 hours I would fail at that goal... Good grief.

I'm sure my level of exhaustion had nothing to do with feeling icky this morning even though I slept until 1:30pm this afternoon... So much for my message to my boss saying if I felt better when I woke up I would come in since by the time I would have showered, got ready and got to work it would have been time to leave for class (which I skipped tonight as well).

Consider it done: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28

Just getting started: 10, 27

Church Festivals are more dangerous than fairs...

for this diabetic! YIKES!!

Well, I'm sure the whole day played in to part of it! Friday night out of exhaustion, and probably a few other things, I ordered pizza from this dangerous place. Of course there were left overs so since I was up early and took my first pill that you have to eat w/i 30 mins of taking I had some left over pizza (it was yummy!) then late morning we met up for breakfast and I enjoyed some buttermilk pancakes w/sugar-free syrup and some sausage links with water, of course! Then after soccer pictures, I came home with the plan to meet up with my munchkin and my aunt later at our Church Festival.

Mid-afternoon I indulged in the rest of the left over pizza and a small bowl of my no-added-sugar ice cream since we weren't meeting up until about 7pm. Oh yeah, there was a diet root beer in there too! Then about 7:30pm we had dinner at the festival. That consisted of a hodge-podge of things. It included some pierogis (w/sour cream, of course!), a kielbasa (w/o the sauerkraut) on a bun, a couple bites of the inside of a taco and a diet coke. Well, let me tell you...I can no longer say my numbers haven't been over 200 since July...

Who knew I would be in more trouble going to my church festival than I was going to two different fairs!

**No, we are not Polish and we do not go to a Polish Catholic Church, we actually attend a very Italian and Mexican Catholic Church...but apparently they like Polish food over Italian food!

**Yes, I only go there to eat...we were there from 7pm until 9pm and I ate ALL OF THAT! The munchkin bounced on the bouncy houses and ate a hotdog and most of that taco, along with some onion rings!

**Yes, we do allow my aunt to eat. Since she is a Catholic Nun, she gets first dibs but settled on a kielbasa w/sauerkraut and onion rings. I don't remember now, but I thought she got some fries too, but maybe I'm just imagining things! There was a money mix-up, which caused great laughter and has altered my memories of dinner.

**The great money mix-up was the girl under charged me $5 when I got my dinner and the munchkin's dinner. My aunt thought they over charged me, so when she told the person she knew in the food tent about it the woman gave her $5 to make it right over my aunt's loud protests. When she came back to tell me she had my $5 for me, I couldn't understand why...needless to say after several bouts of laughter and finishing our meals, we took $10 back to the food tent and explained the entire mix-up. It isn't great karma to take $10 from a church festival....

Fridays...

Alright...this is going to be another hog-pog of a Friday post! I originally was going to do a post entitled "Fish Tacos, Friday the 13th, and a Shoulder Kiss". Well, I'm going to combine that with today's "Good Friday" post!

Back on March 13, which was another Friday the 13th, I agreed to meet the most recent former co-worker from my office for lunch. Of course, this person isn't the most normal kind of guy. And not all of it is his fault. He does have a mild CHI (closed head injury). I understand this concept and try my hardest to write off some of his antics. Of course, I know he is even more Catholic than I am (which isn't hard, trust me!), so I figure when he asks me to lunch on a Friday during Lent that he will not pick my chips & salsa Mexican restaurant...well, I was wrong and he did. Of course all I could think of was, "Do they have fish tacos?"

Now, I don't know about you, but fish tacos sound like one of the most horrible things ever! I don't even know where the idea comes from. I don't know if they really do exist. I just vaguely recall hearing someone say the phrase "fish tacos" and it has stuck in my head ever since. I consult with Dani and we conclude that they probably have cheese and onion enchiladas, so I should be safe (outside of the craziness that my fellow lunch eater will bring to the table...literally!). I arrive at the restaurant approximately 10 mins late, which I know should be okay because former co-worker is unable to be on time. And me of all people, I'm okay with that. So as I usually try and do, I bring a book from school to read while I wait. When I get to this place I'm actually surprised at how many people are there for lunch on a Friday during Lent. Maybe I will be better than safe with my food options.

Finally former co-worker shows up, at least 20-25 mins late. I then later determine that he is working that day across the street from the restaurant at a health-care insurance company's internal credit union. I find this intriguing since when I hoped on our city's version of a subway system at exactly 12:30pm (the time we were suppose to meet) and receive a text that he is on his way... Hmmmmm...did he get on our city's version of a subway system for old times sake and ride it around one loop?! Oh well...we order and I remind him that it is Friday and Lent and he seems shocked by this turn of events. Equally puzzling, but I move on. We chat, we eat (I don't look at him while we eat, because he isn't the 'best eater'.) and then he announces to our waiter that he needs to place a to-go order. The waiter, who due to my frequent stops in there acknowledges that he knows me, takes the order and leaves. My former co-worker becomes obsessed about this to go order. Hmmm...is this your real meal so you want to make sure it is perfect? When I inquiry who he is picking up the meal for to make idle conversation I'm advised, "No one you would know." Duh..... You think?!

The to-go order comes out and the waiter leaves that along with our bills. As we pay our bills the former co-worker opens up the to-go meal and is upset because he specifically requested a "very large side of shredded cheese" and it is missing. He starts turning frantically in his chair and begins to look for our waiter. So I tell him the waiter is over at a table on the other side of the restaurant, putting together silverware, he is the only male at the table and is with approximately 3 or 4 other wait people. So my lunch companion gets up, walks thru the main dining room and stands behind a pole to attempt to get our waiter's attention. I find this odd...not only did you not walk by the waiter, make any motion to the waiter, you actually kind of walked the long way around him and then stood behind him and with a pole between the two of you. I don't see this getting his cheese....but what do I know. Then he walks towards the kitchen, stops, stares at the table of wait-staff, turns around and stands back behind the pole again. Finally one of the waitresses asks our waiter if the guy standing behind the pole belongs to his table! I'm sitting at our table chuckling to myself because this just seemed like a crazy way to get some more cheese...

Finally, the cheese has been secured, he comes back to the table goes on about how he can now afford to tip and how he is a big spender now. So I ask if that means he is picking up my lunch. If you ever want to see a cheap man sweat ask him if he is buying you lunch. They start sweating, stuttering, etc. Finally I had to tell him I was only kidding and remind him that I had already paid my bill...he was glad I had because he said he was trying to tell me nicely that he wasn't buying me lunch. LMAO!

Upon exiting the restaurant he starts walking and talking to the right and I stop and wait for him to realize I'm not with him. When he does he turns around and I tell him I'm going to the left. He comes at me for a hug...if you knew this person you can close your eyes, picture him in a black peacoat coming at you with arms all up in the air for a hug. It isn't the best site to see coming at you with no place to escape! So he hugs me, tells me how great it is to see me again and before he releases the hug I see that his face is down at my shoulder, like face down and then I hear it...a big smacking kiss sound. You know, the "muah" sound! He kissed my shoulder? Through my winter coat? Regardless...he kissed my shoulder? I told Captain in a separate email...I wasn't sure if I found it hilarious or a bit disturbing...

I'm thinking I need to be intimately involved with someone to kiss their shoulder and even if I'm liking this person from afar and dream of kissing this person's shoulder and figure it is safe to kiss this person's shoulder through a winter coat because they will never feel it and I'm the only one that will know about it...I'm thinking I wouldn't make the kissy noise! I'm still not entirely clear what happened that Friday the 13th between the Fish Tacos that ended with A Shoulder Kiss...

Well, back to today...April 10th! It is Good Friday. I finally made it through my last Friday of Lent without eating meat. I only have 53 mins left right now to make it all the way to the end and I think I can do it! It was a pretty uneventful Good Friday for me. It was opening day for our home baseball team! Who kicked ass today! Go Tigers!!!! I only worked 4 hours today and busted my ass at work today since I was off ill yesterday and really hadn't done much work all week. Monday will be my last catch up day for slacking and being sick this week. I'm okay with that, because unless something crazy happens (which is always a possibility there!) I can complete my catch-up before noon! I'm actually doing pretty good on my homework/reading this week and weekend so far. I have 3 chapters to read for AIL~P and then I need to finalize my case summaries and post those on-line. In Crim Sentencing I need to read the coursepack materials for this week and do a couple hypos. In Crim Pro I have 33 pages to read for this week and I want to work on 2 sets of questions Prof. W. provided weeks ago! I would like to work on tightening my notes up to become outlines for Crim Sentencing and Crim Pro. I have to type Wednesday's notes from Crim Pro too! Then comes BK! UGH...I am approximately 13 weeks behind in that class....I'm planning on devoting the remainder of my time this weekend and this coming week to BK. That is how I caught up on Crim Pro this past week, so we will see how that goes! Of course the munchkin will come home tomorrow night because of it being Easter Sunday and the Easter Bunny needing to visit before Sunday morning. So I'm losing an entire day of studying, but maybe I'll be able to work on my outlines while he is here...who knows. I'm trying to take it as it comes!

Alright...off to read some more AIL~P and go to bed since I have an early day tomorrow. The goal: get up at 6am, leave the house by 7am, do my shopping @ Wal-Marts & Meijers with a pit-stop to the Post Office all before I have to meet someone at 9:30am! Think it can be done? Because then after that the plan is, come home, put groceries away, take a nap, do some homework! Wish me luck!

I hope you had a wonderful Good Friday too!

A Moment...

Apparently I am having a "moment". I am irritable, pissy, tired and just plain blah... Like little things are setting me off. I'm not blowing my lid or anything like that, but little things are just getting to me! I wish I knew why....is it the weather? ...is it stress? ...is it just me? ...is it school? ...is it family and all that drama? ...is it my guy? ...is it my munchkin? ...is it work? If I could put my finger on it, I would try and address it and get over it. It isn't just the typical "funk" of feeling down or so it doesn't feel that way to me...but maybe it is. I told one of my BFFs today that I was having a "moment" and she said she too was in a funk and we would be "funky" together! ;) How sweet of her... :) Thank you BFF!

Of course the bottom feel out after I came home tonight... I knew this was happening, but I guess I hadn't confirmed it in my head, but I did tonight...

I don't really get along with my family...primarily my mother, my father, my brother and his wives and multiple children. We have some pretty serious issues. Issues that will likely never go away and sometimes if I was honest with myself, if I didn't need my mother to help with my munchkin because of school I probably wouldn't speak to her. Outside of our few words in the morning during the week, we don't talk as it is now. I only speak to my father on special occasions such as holidays and birthdays. Since 12/24/07 I've had 4 conversations with my brother and that all took place in September 2008. I haven't spoken to his 1st wife since 1/24/09 and I haven't spoken to his current wife since 12/24/07...and I've only ever spoken to her 2 times since they began dating in 2/07. I haven't seen my 2 oldest nephews since Christmas 2008 and they have been in foster care (again) for almost 2 months now! I've seen the next one once and that was on 12/24/07 and I've never "met" the youngest nephew. He was there on 12/24/07 and was 3 days old...but I did not see him.

...now let me continue with tonight... Easter is at my brother's. I have been invited through my aunt, but I will not be going. So it appears Easter will be me and the munchkin hunting for the eggs the Easter Bunny hides that morning. :) I will fix us Easter dinner and life will go on. I know I'm probably being childish and that is okay if you think so (and feel free to tell me!), but I can't do it. I can't go to his house and "play" nice after the treatment my son and I have received from them, especially as two of his children sit in foster care and he plays dad & hubby of the year with his "new" family.

Maybe it is because I've been the other child and my son could be the other child...should I have been "left" at foster care while my mother enjoyed her new family? Should I drop off my son to DHS should I get involved with someone other than his father while I have a new family?!

Alright...my moment feels a little better for now...now I'm off to bed! Good night and thanks for listening to some of my issues....

Past Bullies

I hated high school. Actually, strike that! I hated the people at my high school. I actually didn't mind high school itself. I sometimes wished I was a natural female Doogie Howser, MD. I really wanted to skip over high school and go straight to college, but that didn't happen. Sometimes I'm glad that I went through the torture of high school, but sometimes I'm not.

I, of course, was fat in high school too. Not as fat as I am now, but still obese. I had bad acne, bad teeth, bad hair...the list could go on for quite some time. However, I remember one particular incident that has never left my mind and all of it came rushing back tonight at Red Lobster! You know...where this one Catholic good-girl was not eating meat on a Friday! ;) I got there early to reserve a table for us~me, the munchkin & the aunt.

I walk in and the hostess is one of the girls I went to high school with. It has been a long time when I've had to interact with someone from high school. I probably seemed out of it to her because I was shocked to see her still there. I knew about 8 years ago she was working there, but I never would have thought she still would be. BTW, she is not in management, so Red Lobster must not have a "work your way up" program as she remains a hostess/server. Needless to say...we didn't communicate outside of me giving her my name and request for our table. (Which she did screw up....but whatev!)

After I was seated I saw him...one of my bullies. :( This short little fucker was a tormentor of mine. (Sorry, I use those descriptors in the most loving way!) I remember when my best friend and I went to Burger King for dinner one night after some school function. Him and his buddies, who all stood at least a foot above him, were sitting up eating. This BK was a bi-level, so we were on the bottom area and they were on the top. All of a sudden he threw an inverted fry box down at us. I self-internalized the message, which read "You need to call 1-800-321-THIN" which was the 800-# for Nutrasystem. I ignored the box as his aim was off since he was short and pretended like I never saw it.

I've thought about that box and its message and that short little fucker a lot in the past 16 years. I will never forgive him for that, I will never let him know I saw it, thought of it, or anything like that. But most of all...I will always remember that someday I may be thin and his ass will always be short!!!!

I, as usual, didn't acknowledge I knew either of these people and never spoke to them. He was there with his daughter, who must be about 4 or 5, and other Dads & Daughters who were all attending a daddy-daughter dance. I'm happy to report his 4 year old is of average height along with her fellow peers and she is a little over half as tall as him. I did smile to myself and when she wasn't listening to him as they were leaving I commented to my aunt, "How can he expect her to listen to him when she will be taller than him in about six months?!" ;)

Of course the fact that all of these daddies and daughters were going to this "Daddy Daughter Dance" made me wonder...what happens if you are a daughter and you don't have a daddy, for whatever reason? Is this really fair to them? I'm not saying punish the ones who do have a daddy, but why can't we call it a "Parent/Child dance?" Or a "Daddy-Like Daughter Dance"... I just think we are placing a heavy burden on that poor little girl who doesn't have a daddy in her life right now, because not always at the age of 4/5 do you understand why you don't have a daddy and others due...

Fridays during Lent...

Am I the only person abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent? Am I the only Catholic that is still "falling for that trick" (as one co-worker said to me)? I don't know if it is because I'm around all new people this year for Lent, outside of my family, that is, but I appear to be the only person not consuming meat on Fridays this Lent.

Exhibit #1) A week ago today, the first Friday of Lent. We decide to go out to lunch for my co-worker's last day. We go to a more upscale restaurant within our office building because of location and because the leader of the pack is convinced that he gets better treatment there because the "guys know him there". The fact that he gets better and is "known" to the guys could be the fact that he puts away a 5th of vodka a night there, but that is a story for another time. So I comment to someone thought to be going in the group that I hope this place has a special of fish/seafood of sorts because it is Friday. He looked at me funny and asked why and I said, "because I'm Catholic and it is Friday." He responded in the affirmative, so I added "...and it is Lent." His response was "Yeah, I'm catholic too, but I'm not falling for that trick. It is optional." I laughed and said "okay". He later no-showed to the lunch upon which I inquired if it was his heel spurs acting up again...

Upon going to this lunch I encounter a $30 salad for trying to be a good Catholic. I don't know if I previously clued you in on my $30 lunch. I was so not happy, because it wasn't even a great salad! I ordered a Thai Chicken Salad and asked if I could get Shrimp in place of Chicken. The waitperson said sure, no problem. Well, yeah, until I got my bill! My salad was $10, the shrimp was $6. My coke was $3. My side of pasta salad (to ensure that I got my main course salad at the same time as everyone else's lunch) was $3. I'm now up to $22. Add tax and a 20% tip and my bill now totals: $27.98, so I put in $30 and figured my $2.02 could go toward the co-worker's lunch. Now I've spent some coin on meals before and don't usually complain, but when the food sucks, you are the only non-heathen, and you aren't pre-warned that your meal is going to practically double in price exchanging seafood for the meat, then I'm going to bitch about a $30 crappy meal...

Exhibit #2) This morning I had to leave and go somewhere for breakfast. I picked a Bob Evans, which was probably a mistake, but I ordered hotcakes to avoid the sausage gravy that I really wanted! The crabby waitress (some people shouldn't be wait staff and when you are in your 50's or 60's and still crabby because you are a waitress, I suggest you turn in your pencil, your nametag and your hairnet. So I ordered the hotcakes and she asks if I want a side of meet with that. Of course I do, but I'm not carrying sausage links in my pocket until Saturday! So I respond, while smiling~"No, I can't. It is Friday!" She looks at me strange and then I did the whole 'I'm catholic and it is lent.' Do you know what the crabby waitress said and did? You will never guess!! She said, "Oh...[rolled her eyes at me]...whatever." So I ate my pancakes, which weren't all that great (and certainly were not nearly as good as the Pancake House!) waited for my call and left.

But after this 2nd encounter it lead me to ponder: Am I the only Catholic out there falling for this old trick refraining from meat on Fridays during lent?

Aliens at Meijer...

When I go grocery shopping, especially at Meijer, I have a pattern of how I shop. I enter, go all the way to the back of the grocery section, to the butter, milk and egg section and work my way back down the aisles to the checkout area.

Several years ago, after work I went to Meijer to grab a couple of groceries and went to the back and picked up my butter, moved to the yogurt and saw this strange man. He really wasn't a man, well, maybe in age, but not in the mental department. You could tell when you saw him or heard him speak that he was challenged. As I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, I realized he had smudges on his face of dirt. I thought to myself, 'awe...poor guy didn't get his face clean before him and his mom came grocery shopping."

I made my way down a few more aisles and I had a strange overwhelming sensation that I was in the twilight zone. Each aisle the sensation became stronger as I noticed more and more people in the store with smudges on their face. And for more than a brief moment I thought aliens had landed at my local Meijer store!

Then I realized, 'Duh! It is Ash Wednesday!' We weren't being overran by aliens in Meijer...just practicing catholics!

Every Ash Wednesday I think of this faithful Meijer trip... Remember, no meat today!

PS: What are folks giving up for Lent?