My Rock Bottom

This morning I had to report to the hospital at 7:00am for two tests. The first being an abdominal ultrasound and the second being a hidascan. I made it through the ultrasound and then started the hidascan. An hour and a half in to the hidascan as they started the CKK and gave me the first 3 minutes someone decides they need to have the onstaff radiologist look at the ultrasound to make sure I do not have a gallstone. So I sit there with 1/3rd of the CKK pumped in to me with the other 7 mins worth waiting to go in and had to miss a call from my man while she runs to the radiologist.

Three minutes later the tech comes back to tell me I'm done for the day. WHAT??? I've already been through the hardest part and been nauseous and now you are going to "dismiss" me?!? Ugh. Apparently, if there is a gallstone or an inability to clarify if a gallstone exists, they run the risk of pushing that gallstone through with the CKK. The radiologist was unable to determine if there were gallstones or not, or so the story goes, and it is too risky to continue the test.

I decided to go and follow up with my PCP, get the results of 2 of my tests, to see what he had to say about them stopping my hidascan today and address a new situation that arose a week ago. Well, that is when I started to hit my rock bottom. The new situation has progressively gotten worse and has been bleeding for almost 7 days, so when he inspected that he advised I needed to see a surgeon immediately, as in this afternoon. So an appointment was made for 2:00pm. Then he looked up my bone scan and that came back fine.

My blood work on the other hand...not good at all. I am now a diabetic...this is only the 4th time I've said those words. And each time I do I come to tears. It isn't to the point of being on insulin or anything like that and actually my blood work is only 1 point over the high end. So it is only the beginning, but I must get control over the situation now!!!! Of course related to this, my liver enzymes are a little elevated too. Ugh... So he tells me I need to start an oral diabetic medication, change my diet and start exercising. I will need to check my blood sugar twice a day. Doc also said that he would be sending my results to an Endocrinologist and also questioned if I was ever diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). I was years ago and then the next OB/GYN told me I didn't have it...how the hell am I suppose to know?!?

Of course all of this is on top of the elevated blood pressure and swelled feet.... Ugh...talk about frustration! My PCP said he will wait for my ultrasound and hidascan results to come in to move forward on the whole gallbladder/stomach issue...so that hangs in the balance.

In between my PCP and my appointment with the surgeon I called my aunt and lost it. I'm so mad at myself and really disappointed. So I talked to her and then told her I'm just not in a position with the holiday weekend coming up to deal with this situation yet. I know that probably sounds horrible, childish and a total excuse, but I'm just not. I didn't even consider this would be the type of news I would be getting today. And I was feeling like every time I went for something or talked to someone it got worse.

Since I had not ate since last night at 8pm and it was noon I was starving. Heck, I hadn't had anything to drink since 11:30pm. I was dying of thirst too. I also had about 2 hours before my next appointment, so I went to a local sports bar to grab a burger and a coke (yes, I know these are soon to be non-existant in the immediate future) and that is when my man called. I lost it again while talking to him. He put an immediate stop to that. He repeated the same exact things my aunt told me. How there are other circumstances affecting this outside of just the things I've done alone. He told me to think of those things before I sit there all upset and kick my own butt. He also said that I can change it and it is only 1 point over, not 100, so not to let it defeat me and to turn around and kick its ass, instead of my own. He and my aunt are totally right.

So off to the surgeon I go...well, I thought something was going to be done right then. It wasn't. He has to scope it and then fix the problem, but he wants to make sure it isn't something more than what we are praying it is. So that is suppose to take place on Wednesday this week. Another day, another dollar. :( So it appears I will be having a surgical procedure done this coming week. And less than a week later I go and see the 2nd ortho... I mean obviously these are issues that need to be addressed and I have to take care of the problems, but what really sucks is that I'm missing time from work and it is all unpaid, because I'm out of time-off.

So now...I'm like living on credit and stressing over paying bills. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but it is summer time and I'm paying for daycare too, which is an extra $540+ a month. I'm not even looking forward to balancing my checkbook this weekend, but I might as well face that music too... I say, let's put it all out there so it can be dealt with.

Maybe America's Independence Day this year will be my independence day too....

...but I'm pretty exhausted so the munchkin and I are off to bed in the next hour.