A Moment...

Apparently I am having a "moment". I am irritable, pissy, tired and just plain blah... Like little things are setting me off. I'm not blowing my lid or anything like that, but little things are just getting to me! I wish I knew why....is it the weather? ...is it stress? ...is it just me? ...is it school? ...is it family and all that drama? ...is it my guy? ...is it my munchkin? ...is it work? If I could put my finger on it, I would try and address it and get over it. It isn't just the typical "funk" of feeling down or so it doesn't feel that way to me...but maybe it is. I told one of my BFFs today that I was having a "moment" and she said she too was in a funk and we would be "funky" together! ;) How sweet of her... :) Thank you BFF!

Of course the bottom feel out after I came home tonight... I knew this was happening, but I guess I hadn't confirmed it in my head, but I did tonight...

I don't really get along with my family...primarily my mother, my father, my brother and his wives and multiple children. We have some pretty serious issues. Issues that will likely never go away and sometimes if I was honest with myself, if I didn't need my mother to help with my munchkin because of school I probably wouldn't speak to her. Outside of our few words in the morning during the week, we don't talk as it is now. I only speak to my father on special occasions such as holidays and birthdays. Since 12/24/07 I've had 4 conversations with my brother and that all took place in September 2008. I haven't spoken to his 1st wife since 1/24/09 and I haven't spoken to his current wife since 12/24/07...and I've only ever spoken to her 2 times since they began dating in 2/07. I haven't seen my 2 oldest nephews since Christmas 2008 and they have been in foster care (again) for almost 2 months now! I've seen the next one once and that was on 12/24/07 and I've never "met" the youngest nephew. He was there on 12/24/07 and was 3 days old...but I did not see him.

...now let me continue with tonight... Easter is at my brother's. I have been invited through my aunt, but I will not be going. So it appears Easter will be me and the munchkin hunting for the eggs the Easter Bunny hides that morning. :) I will fix us Easter dinner and life will go on. I know I'm probably being childish and that is okay if you think so (and feel free to tell me!), but I can't do it. I can't go to his house and "play" nice after the treatment my son and I have received from them, especially as two of his children sit in foster care and he plays dad & hubby of the year with his "new" family.

Maybe it is because I've been the other child and my son could be the other child...should I have been "left" at foster care while my mother enjoyed her new family? Should I drop off my son to DHS should I get involved with someone other than his father while I have a new family?!

Alright...my moment feels a little better for now...now I'm off to bed! Good night and thanks for listening to some of my issues....