My 6pm class was canceled and now there appears to be a momentum with the profs for that class to move the start time up to 5:30pm...whatev! Of course my 8pm class is still on and since you get an extra .1 added to your final grad for attending all classes I'm sitting here with about 2 hours to kill!
Of course I have stuff to do...I should be reading for that 8pm class, but I'm not there yet. I need one more week to get my shit together to be ready for class. So instead I'm sitting in an empty room that I found on the second floor, eating grapes, realizing I forgot my peanut butter cup (not Reeses, but a cup of actual peanut butter to go with my sliced apple) in my car, hoping it isn't totally melted in this heat, feeling like I cannot breathe... Why does that happen? In the last 4 years I've became a nervous nelly over everything. Maybe law school does that to you...make you petrified as to what is behind that next corner or through that doorway and make you feel so out of place that you want to scream. Maybe it is just me!
I see these people who look like they have it all together and I feel like when people look at me I've got things falling out of my arms, papers flying every where, too many things to carry, spilling water or pop or whatever everywhere! I sometimes feel like everyone can see right through me and see a flashing neon light screaming, "Hey...if you thought she was wacky before now she is here with diabetes, so it only gets better!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA" I know they cannot see it and I've only told my LSBFF (Law School-BFF) about my diagnosis, but I'm feeling pretty vulnerable today walking these halls, carrying my lunchbox packed with fruit, a ham sandwich and a small bag of measured out doritos! And all I want to do is scarf down some of that bag of candy the rep from Kaplan handed me...I won't though. Well, I don't think I will. There was a Nature's Valley Peanut Butter bar in the bag...if only I could spread it on my apple!
Alright...to calm my nerves I'm going to flip a coin to see if I read for class or if I write my man. Either/or....
I think you would be surprised to find out what other people have going on in their lives, physical or otherwise. Even the most put together person has secrets and vulnerabilities.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Good job with the snacks!
Thanks Dani! :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is hard to remember that, so thank you. :)