Dilated Eyes Suck

This morning I had my eye appointment, which did not go as well as I hoped. Hell, it didn't even turn out a fraction of what I hoped. The appointment itself started out strange when I realized I was the person in the waiting room under the age of 60! YIKES!! Then I go through my appointment, which was fine, but my vision was a mess when it was over. I couldn't see anything, hardly. I have no idea how I drove home. I thought maybe if I put my contacts in it would help. I have no idea what I was thinking, because it did nothing. Then I thought maybe laying down for an hour would help. Now mind you...my anxiety is rising because I was hoping to be at work by 11am, plus I had to draft my discovery due at 6pm (that would be two sets of interrogatories and two sets of requests for production) and prepare to take a deposition tonight in class too! Ugh. Well, laying down didn't help either...

As the clock ticked to almost noon I called my boss to tell her I was still at home blinded! I hoped to be able to come in in a couple hours, but at this point I wasn't hopeful since I still couldn't see clearly with distance and up close to work on a computer or read something...please...it was useless! My eyes didn't really begin to clear up until closer to 3pm. At this point it was too late to try and make it to work, plus I still had my homework to do! So I opted to do my homework and then rush off to school so I could prep for my dep.

Of course I hate the fact that I've missed 2.5 days of work this week. Ugh... Even when I have thoughts of wanting to not work or to call in for the day, in the end I feel bad. I feel bad when I don't go to work. I'm not sure why. I guess when I don't really have my stuff together and have a long term plan to miss work, I feel guilty.

I feel like crap over the fact that I was working on homework that was due in 2 hours. What is wrong with me?!? I hate the pressure, the feeling of anxiety and the throwing together of an assignment isn't what I want. Especially after you email it and turn it in and then you are driving to class thinking of where you messed up and what you really should have asked or what you wanted to ask when you first started to think about this assignment weeks ago, that totally fell out of my throbbing head while I was blinded by light for several hours. Then I get upset with myself. Of course the fact that I received two assignments back last night in Small Firms with less then stellar grades on it, doesn't help either. Yes, Prof. L told us that everyone's grades were low, but for me the anal overachiever I once was rears its ugly head and I become disappointed with myself.

The bright spot was my deposition tonight. I actually enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. If we had unlimited time I would have so loved it. There were several areas that I failed to follow up on, but I do find it difficult when you are interviewing a fake opponent and I hope that with practice and experience a person only gets better at it! I thought about the dep all the way home and thought of tons of additional questions I wanted to ask if I wouldn't have been cut short and the varies different follow up questions I failed to follow up on. I wonder if this is normal? Of course in a real case, I'm assuming a second set of interrogatories and requests for production could be filed and it would help the areas I wish I would have followed up on. But I do find myself excited over this...which I must say it is really the first time I've found myself excited about the future prospect of doing this for real!! :)

My last problem for the day, I promise! LOL Apparently I am unable to get to bed any earlier than 2am practically every night this week. This is not really helping my stress or me looking tired. I definitely need to fix this starting next week or else something major is going to go very wrong...

TGTIF...